If you ask me, I am a pretty introverted person. But that doesn't necessarily mean I like to be alone.
Related to an earlier piece I did on social anxiety, I also have a hard time being all by myself for extended periods of time. There just seems to be no middle ground some days, and it's exhausting to either be anxiety-ridden or depressed the majority of the time.
I've always been the one to be able to count the number of good friends I have on one hand, and in college that hasn't changed. Sadly, most of my good friends and boyfriend aren't on campus, but that doesn't mean I'm not learning to be social. I've grown drastically since the beginning of this school year.
One downfall of this year is that I moved in with random roommates. I don't want to say this is always a bad thing, and it could've been worse for me, I know. But moving in with three people who you have no connection with is terrifying and unsettling.
I was eager to make new friends, and I did with one of them. But slowly, all four of us distanced ourselves away to our rooms, leaving me to be alone many days just wishing I could talk to the people ten feet away without feeling like an intruder. Weekends are the worst.
When I am alone, I feel unproductive, depressed, and unloved due to the lack of people around me.
No matter how much work I get done, or how many people I talk to through text or social media, it all feels distant and emotionless. I want real-life interaction.
This is what I am currently working on: appreciating myself and my own presence, because I am enough. I can enjoy my own company.
I've learned I need to be productive to feel my best. By running errands, taking a walk, exercising, or cooking, then rewarding myself later with the guilty pleasures of binge-watching TV and playing on my phone, I'll know my day was not one wasted, but one put to good use.
Changing one's perspective is a hard thing to accomplish, but slowly it can happen with little changes at a time. I am not lonely when I am alone. I am just being me with no one else around.
