Hailing a cab is one of the most all-powerful, sexiest feelings in the entire universe. For a moment, you are the commander of not only that cab, but the entire free world. Your heart skips a beat with expectation, and adrenaline courses through your soul. Second to that: when the train conductor holds the car door for you as you speed through the turnstile.
These special sensations are unique to living in NYC, which is what I did this summer. Not only was I lucky enough to experience these magical moments of city life, I learned a great deal about myself, humanity, and how to live a life full of happiness. Below are the top things I will take home with me, along with a piece of the Big Apple in my heart.
1. Always be kind.
New York City is notorious for turning you into an asshole. Although I am legitimately concerned for the part of me that has hardened, I will bring my kindness that has remained overall intact with me everywhere I go. You never know what battles other people are fighting. One day, I held the door open for an elderly man on crutches and he responded, “Your kindness is a rarity here.” I was shocked. People just wanted to be treated like humans. Always put human kindness and humanity as a priority, no matter the environment you're in or the way everyone else is acting.
2. But don't take crap from anyone.
You have the right to get what you paid for, what you asked for, or what you need. You have the right to be treated well, too. Drop everything, and everyone, from your life that doesn’t serve you. Life is too short. New York City, and truly the rest of the world, is 100% cut throat. If you don't stick up for yourself and let go of the things that are bringing you down, you just won’t make it to your full potential.
3. Value your time.
You need to ask yourself what your priorities really are. New Yorkers love convenience, speed, service, delivery, etc. Could you delegate certain tasks? Could you pay a little more to have something done for you? Is there something you could do with your time instead that would be of greater benefit for you?
4. Money isn’t everything, because you’ll never have “enough."
Sure you could save money doing certain things, but one of the best things one of my coworkers so accurately said about New Yorkers one day was this: New Yorkers eventually stop complaining about money, because they accept the fact that they will never have enough and everything will always be too expensive. So they just start to appreciate things a little more and learn to live off each experience with less worry.
5. Someone will always have more than you, and someone will always have less than you.
My grandpa originally taught me that, and to parallel that, someone will always be better than something at you, and you will always be better than someone else at something. And that someone will always be smarter or better looking than you, and someone less so. This grounding, humbling idea is best seen walking the streets of New York City, in almost a perfect, Banksy-like work of life’s art. Homeless people sit on the streets of 5th avenue where women carry $10,000 bags, walking on the same sidewalk. After a while, you begin to focus less on comparison, but more on yourself.
6. We should not use the phrase, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” because it means that there is something inherently wrong with that cover, or with that person.
Instead, ask yourself, “what do I really care about in people?”, and look for those aspects on the inside. You’ll be surprised on the quality of friends you will make.
7. Harassment is not cultural.
I get cat-called at least twice a day in just my neighborhood, no matter if I’m wearing no makeup and sweats, or red lipstick and a short skirt. Of course, it can be flattering when you are feeling yourself walking down the street, and I am lucky enough to say that I have never truly felt unsafe, or been threatened by these men, but I am always uncomfortable when this happens. And I should not have to walk quicker, or tense up my shoulders, or look to the ground instead of holding my head high when I walk by. I should not have to be objectified or harassed like a piece of meat every time I go to a yoga class, a place where I go to feel at peace with my body, not like I should have to cover my butt when I wear athletic leggings. But what makes me the angriest is that I have been told time and time again that in the area of the neighborhood and that city that I live in, the cat-calling and whistling is “cultural."
At first, I bought into this. But no, not anymore. Because the sexual harassment and objectification of a women IS NOT EXCUSABLE. Not in any kind of social setting or geographical place. This isn't about certain ways men flirt, this is about all men behaving an inappropriate way, universally, that they can make excuses for in a patriarchal world. Or being a passive bystander and watching other men harass women in front of them. The worst thing is, I’ve had adult men say things to me while their little sons stand at their feet watching.
8. Your friends are part of what makes you cool.
At the beginning of the summer, I wrote an article called “When Everyone is Cooler than You” about, well, how I felt like everyone in New York City is cooler than I’ll ever be. But by the end of the summer, I am pleased to announce that I think I’ve figured something out; what helps to makes people cool, that is. What makes you cool has a very small amount to do with you are at all, it actually about who your friends are. And how you all function together, and lift each other up, and mesh together to create amazing, creative, collaborative energy and ideas, and just respect and learn from each other. And the levels to which you learn and apart from the energy they give off in your direction.
9. I also wrote an article this summer featuring the incredibly powerful story of my friend, Genesis Labra.
I got so much great material from her that I had to leave a lot out, but I saved this bit for this article because I felt it was most appropriate for explaining this next to last point.
Me: “OK, what are your last words? What else do you want people to know about New York City from a New Yorker?”
Genesis: “The real New York Experience. El Barrio is the true experience. Going to Washington Heights and learning about the Dominican revolution. Going to Harlem and learning about the Apollo theater. But the true living in NYC is learning about culture, learning about getting around, learning about the struggle of the train. How to be careful with the bums on the street. You don’t have to pay for entertainment here, the trains have it all the time,” she adds and laughs.
Genesis is describing what most non-New Yorkers will never get to see for themselves. Like they say, living in NYC is so much different than visiting here. Because New York City is not "Gossip Girl," or the "Devil Wears Prada," or "Sex and the City," or even "Girls." New York City is all these crazy people from all over the world, crammed together in a pulsing, sweaty concrete jungle. They don’t get along all the time and they are almost always in a rush, but they are all essentially the same, strong, stubborn people who are all damn determined to live here, the Center of the Universe. Because how could they live anywhere else?
And lastly, the most important takeaway of all. This is the number one most important things that I learned from my experience this Summer, that I will remember for the rest of my life:
10. You can literally do anything you want, the only thing stopping you is you.
What is stopping you? Fear? Fear isn't real. You just made that up. What you fear hasn't even happened yet. What is real is what is right in front of you, what is inside of you. What you hope and dream. So close your eyes right now and think about what you want to do. Open them. Now do it.
