I recently read an article on Relevant Magazine titled "What I Learned Through 10 Years of Life Not Going According to Plan". The writer, Rachel Windham, wrote about how she was coming up on her tenth year of “adulting”. In her article, she addresses her 18-year-old self and lets her know that she would be disappointed to find out that life didn't turn out the way she had planned. Her coming of age didn't include any of the plans that had been formed by her, but instead by God. Windham believed that in her adolescent years she was seeking the Christian version of the American dream. After reading the article I started thinking about all the plans I had for myself when I turned 18 and got out of high school. It made me reflect on how naïve and wrong I was, and just like Windham, I wish I could go back and tell my younger self the truth of growing up.
So to my younger self,
I can already see the outline of your plans in the pupils of your eyes. You have everything lined up. All your I’s are dotted and T’s crossed.
But there is a problem.
Literally, every plan you have is about to shatter right in front of you, and there is no way for you to glue the pieces back together. Every fear you’ve ever had is going to be looking you straight in the face, and you’ll have no other choice but to look at it.
I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but nothing you planned out for yourself works out.
On your very first English assignment in college, you’ll receive your first D. Even though you tried to avoid it, you experience heartbreak multiple times and it sucks. You’ll change your major three times, your concentration two, and you’ll end up picking up a minor you’re not sure you even want. You’ll still have those mornings when you wake up and wonder why you’re going to church; the doubt doesn’t go away. Your anxiety doesn’t disappear it just gets worse. Your passions change and so does your friend list.
Everything you thought you’d have figured out unravels… but thank God it did.
That D you got on your first paper humbled you. All those experiences with heartbreak taught you to expect better for yourself. It made you realize that you do have worth and that being single is better than being treated poorly. You’ve changed your major a ton of times but you’re getting closer to what puts a spark in your soul. Yes, you still doubt, but that doubt has allowed you to find the steadiness of your God. Your doubt brings you back to a place of remembering why you wake up and go to church. Your anxiety has been a pain, but it’s made you a softer person. Your passions have changed, but now you know what truly makes your heart beat. It’s okay your circle of friends is different because they teach you what it means to be loved, and what true community looks like.
You see, everything you thought your life would amount to never even come into existence. You failed horribly at pursuing the things you thought you wanted, but in that failure, you found growth and happiness. All your failures pushed you to become a better you.
So to my younger self, I wish you would have known about all these things before you got your first syllabus. I wish you would have been better prepared for what was to come, but then again I don’t
I’m glad you weren’t ready for what was to come because it was the struggle that made your storyline so much sweeter. It’s what put you on the journey you needed to be on.
I would like to say I'm sorry that nothing works out, but I’m not. I’m very happy that your life gets turned upside down because then it becomes right-side up.
Sincerely,
Me
