Since I was seven years old I’ve been drawing out designs on the kitchen table. I never realized, however, that one world I loved would collide with a world I didn’t believe in. The world of design is about being creative, little did I know my creativity would have to expand farther than the sewing labs and sketch pads.

I always knew I was looking to achieve an artistic career. It was never really a question of why, but of what. My sophomore year of high school I took an introductory fashion design class that completely transformed me. After the first day of class I never questioned my future, I just knew. Design became a known part of my life. When my design teacher said, there was an opening for a personal assistant position at the local Fashion Week, I jumped on it. I was ecstatic that I would be active in the real world of design.

A week before fashion week I received the assignment for whom I’d be a personal assistant for. After researching her I discovered she’d been a model herself and she was very ruthless in her model scouting. I was a little anxious considering I knew very little about modeling. However, I put my big girl pants on and didn’t let that discourage me- I had to keep telling myself that this is the real world and this is a part of the world I want to work in. The day arrived for my first assignment and when I first met her I had no signs of an actual person in front of me. Her Prada sunglasses and chalked on lip stick starred me down. Within the first few minutes of meeting her I felt her judgmental in the reflection of her shades look me up and down. I became conditioned to the Louis Vuitton heels clicking backstage that week. She was rude, demanding and cold. However, I continued with my head held high, hoping things would turn up. Than Friday came—scouting day. I was 16 at the time and comfortable in my own skin- at least as much as a 16-year-old could be. I was sitting in front of the stage with the rest of the Modeling Scouts from New York, Miami, California and even some from Europe. These women gathered like any other group of women, chattering and discussing their plans for later. Than the runway lit up. The surrounding lights dimmed and there was a surrounding sound of silence.

The girls started filling the silence as they were walking down the runway in minimal attire, aging from 14 to 25. These girls glided and carried themselves with so much height and grace. Their faces however had nothing to say. They were empty. I felt a little shook watching their cold eyes scan us as they walked. That’s when I realized their cold eyes were matched with the even colder stares of the scouts. Then I started to hear the mummers of these women.

Her hips are too big. She’ll be too old by next year, not worth my time. She needs to lose about. 15 pounds before I can even consider her. Her face is not presentable. She’s way too tall and skinny. I was in complete shock. My confidence in myself had shrunk, and I felt so uncomfortable I wanted to crawl out of my own skin.

Being at that scouting even is when I had the realization that I had to be creative about my career of creativity. There was no girl power in that room, only critical judgment. I understand that that’s the world the models are choosing to be a part of and that the world of modeling is critical, but I hated being a part of something so destructive to women. I know these girls must be mentally prepared for those kinds of comments and situations, but there are some things I don’t think anybody can be truly prepared to hear. There were girls younger than me being completely slandered. It broke my heart. How could I work for this world of design when it’s supporting the brokenness in the world? I started asking myself questions about what I stood for if I was still working as a designer.

Since models are supposed to be sampling the designs of designers to show consumers what is on the market, why are they using such unrealistic body standards to show clothes for normal sized women? Than it hit me. It’s not a designer’s job to design for those of a “perfect size” some might say. The designers job is to make a woman feel as comfortable and beautiful in the clothes that should fit her. She should never feel like she should have to lose weight or change for a garment. The designer should be catering to her. I understand, there’s not a possible way to cater to every size. I’m not a dreamer, I’m trying to be realistic. But there is a way to make all women feel included in the brand and not feel like their appearance excludes them.

I am a firm believer that a person’s style speaks a lot about a person and just because a person is a certain size or shape it does not mean they shouldn’t be able to express themselves in what they wear. This was a pivotal moment where I had to decide on what I wanted to stand for and I found myself wanting to make a change. I decided I wanted to design custom made wedding dresses to make women feel their best and most comfortable on their wedding day. The modeling industry experience I had taught me that there is a need for more girl power in the world, and women need to start being behind the idea of supporting and loving other women. I want to stand for supporting women and use my skills to encourage and strengthen their confidence in their beauty.