There are a lot of words I could say to you. Many things probably would not be nice and they would not even make any difference. There is a lot I can but I will start with this:
I forgive you.
I forgive you for keeping me awake some nights because your phone died, and you couldn't tell me that you were okay at the early hours of the morning. Whether you told me you were going out or not.
I forgive you for calling me harsh names like psycho, crazy, annoying, all because I loved you and I wanted you to love me.
I forgive you.
I forgive you for the tears that ran down my face from the countless fights about the same things. Over and over. Whether I caused them, or you did not care to even hear me out. Or the times you caused them, and you finished them. It didn't matter if they hurt me or not, you didn't care.
I forgive you for after the fights you told me, "it won't happen again" or "I love you, I swear".
I forgive you for making me look like an asshole in front of my friends, family, and everyone who knew what was happening between us but I made excuses because I loved you.
I forgive you.
There is no hope holding on. There is no hope of holding all the anger and sadness that is over something that is not real. Holding a grudge against you, isn't what is going to heal me. In order to love myself, and love someone else, I cannot hate you for causing these experiences which made me love myself.
Because of you, I am broken, and I am scared. I may never be the same person I was before. But maybe, that's the best thing for me.
Although I will never get back what you took from me, and all the memories. But the one thing I will never give away, and you could never take is my self worth.
So I forgive you.
It is because of you that I know what I need, who I want, who I am, and what I deserve.
It's because of you that I'm in good arms, and I know how it feels to be treated like a queen. And now someone gives me the world instead of making me feel so little.
I am a lot of different things because of you. You shaped me into who I am today. I'm not saying everything you did was okay, because solely, it was not. But what you did made me a better woman, a stronger individual, and just all around more confident.
But all in the end, I am not giving you the credit. I forgave you for dragging me down so far that I had to pick myself up. Me, myself and I.
So, again. I forgive you.
I forgive you making me believe that the never ending feeling of sadness and hopelessness was love.
I forgive you.
Sincerely,
The girl who is moving on for herself
