If many relationships were like a Thanksgiving Dinner, there is one person who is making the turkey, setting the table, doing the dishes, and mashing the potatoes and there is one person who stopped at Walmart on the way over and bought a pie.

It seems that in any relationship, romantic, friendship, or otherwise, there is always someone who gives more and someone who takes more. There is someone more invested in keeping the relationship alive. In fact, many dating advice columns proudly proclaim that whoever cares less, holds the power in the relationship. We hear in pop culture that there is always a Reacher and a Settler in a relationship, meaning one person is reaching out of their league while the other settles for someone less than they deserve.

Not only is this attitude completely asinine and out of touch, but it is also incredibly dangerous. We are preaching to young people that love, friendship, sex are all power struggles. And in a world where too many bad things already happen, we should be teaching that relationships are a balance.

Now at 23 years old, currently single, with a less than scandalous dating history, I am no expert on what makes the perfect relationship. But I am an expert on what I deserve.

So here’s my new motto, “If you aren’t bringing something to the table, I’m happy eating alone.”

I deserve to be treated as an equal in any relationship that I enter into. What I bring in, I expect to get out of it. There is no 60/40 rule with me, because I believe that anything I am committing to, I give 100% and get 100% out.

I am a Graduate student, I work 90 hours a week, I pay all of my own bills, and I take care of myself. So while I understand that not everyone is as fortunate as I am, if you aren’t at least making an effort in our relationship, I don’t have time to slow down for you. I am in my hustle years and I am moving forward at all times.

And this isn’t just how I feel about romantic relationships. If I give the effort to be a friend, there needs to be a symbiotic relationship where we both pick up the check or we both help each other through the tough days, or we both are heading somewhere in life, because I don’t have the time to drag you behind me.

If this a colleague/working relationship, I need you to carry your slack around the office and do your part to ensure that our business is running smoothly. I need you to show up on time and contribute ideas and take your fair share of the work.

But let’s go back to romantic relationships.

When I see people giving up their careers and their dreams and their life plans for someone that they are dating, or want to date, or even are married to, it physically makes me cringe. I have to look away when I see people turning down job offers or limiting their job search because of their significant other. I can’t help but wonder why anyone would forfeit their dreams for someone else. I can’t wrap my head around people who settle for someone less than they deserve simply because of convenience or comfort.

If we are dating, we are partners. Plain and simple. I will have your back and I will treat you well and I will do everything in my power to make your happy, but you need to do the same for me. We will split bills and share our stuff, but we will also push each other to be better, more successful people. We will make decisions together and we will disagree sometimes. I will not settle for someone who is less than I deserve and at no point will I allow you to hold me back from doing anything that I want to do.

I don't need a relationship to fulfill my life. I am not one half of a whole couple. I am a whole person with my own goals and dreams and I refuse to let someone else overshadow my success.

I am bringing a lot to this metaphorical table, and if I can't find someone who will help with the dishes, I'll continue moving forward on my own.