I have never felt so lost and confused in a season of my life before. I have never been someone who had it all figured out. Quite frankly, I think I’ve probably been labeled as the “go with the flow”, “live in the moment” type of gal. I never claimed to know exactly where I was going…but I also didn’t expect to feel this lost, either.

If you’re feeling lost, please know that you’re not feeling this way by yourself and it’s absolutely okay to not know where your life is headed. Whether this is hitting home for the high school senior applying to colleges, who isn't even sure if they want to go, or the college freshman who is quickly realizing they have no clue what they’re doing with their life, or that they made the wrong choice of school - you. are. not. alone. When you’re in the peak of stress and you think that being a young adult is one of the worst things in the world, I think that recognizing the fact that it’s okay to feel lost at this stage in your life is something that always makes me feel a little better.

This season of my life has been one that I didn’t see coming. I walked into freshman year at Azusa Pacific with expectations of what I would be doing and who I’d become friends with and I thought that I’d finally realize my “calling” and that I would connect deeper with the Lord and that I’d fall in love with this place and all things about being a college freshman here BUT my expectations were shortly shot down with a devastating blow of, “I don’t think I like it here…” or “Is this exactly where I’m supposed to be?”. All of these realizations came flooding in and before I knew it, it felt like I was drowning. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me because I had come to the horrible conclusion that I was lost… and no one told me that is was okay to feel this way. I thought I had everything planned and sorted. I had been praying to God for months about what this next season of my life was supposed to look like and I wasn’t supposed to feel this way! I was supposed to thrive here and know exactly why God sent me here. I was supposed to figure out my purpose.

Spoiler alert: That didn’t happen. None of it.

I began to feel so abandoned by my Creator. I had put so much trust in Him in this. I had surrendered all control and said to Him, “Okay God, my life is Yours. Bring me where you will next year; take me to where I am supposed to be.” I ended up here, at Azusa, and thought that this is where I’d live out my college career. After feeling so blindsighted from my expectations, I was angry and annoyed with the Lord. I was so confused as to why ended up here if I constantly felt unhappy and knew I didn’t belong. But let me tell you this: God knows exactly what He is doing. He is a God of faithfulness and carries out His word through and through. This season of life that I am in, that you are in, may seem like a corn maze. Terrifying and confusing, but you can’t get out at any time… you have to stick it out 'til the end. It’s okay to feel lost because as long as you put your faith and your trust in the Lord, He will guide you out of darkness.

It is so okay to feel like the world is against you and that you have no idea where you’re headed. It’s okay to feel like you’re the only one who is feeling this way and that you don’t know where to go from here. It’s okay to feel utterly lost and confused. It’s okay to feel this way. The only thing that is not okay, is staying in that space. There’s no rush… quite frankly, I’m still lost and confused and I’m not sure when I’ll stop feeling this way, but I do know one thing for sure: I have a God on my side that refuses to leave me. How radical is that?! A God that is steadfast and faithful and won’t let you stay lost forever.

If there’s one thing you take from this, let it be this: Being lost and confused about life is normal, it’s okay and you are not lost alone. You are always accompanied by the King of Kings. Ask God the tough questions… you’re so close. I believe in you!