One of the best childhood books is “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie.” If you don’t remember, I’ll refresh you. Basically, a mouse asks for a cookie, then has a long list of demands and things he needs help with, like needing a glass of milk, scissors to trim his hair, a nap, a blanket, a pillow, etc. The simple act of giving him a cookie turns into a big production. So I turned one of the best childhood books into a grown up version: ”If You Give A Girl Your Number.”
If you give a girl your number, she’s going to text you her name because that way you have to make the first move.
When she texts you her name, she’s probably going to expect you to text her.
When you text her, she’s going to think you like her.
She will want you to ask her to hang out.
When you hang out, it’ll go really well, so she’s going to want you to kiss her. Then, she will tell all her friends about you.
When she tells all her friends about you, they’re going to ask what you two “are.”
She’ll start think about it and will start dropping hints to you. She’ll ask and ask until you define the relationship.
Once you’ve defined the relationship, she’ll want you to meet her parents.
You’ll have to go, make a good impression, and make sure that her dad likes you because she’s his baby girl.
She’ll probably ask you to hang out with her on Saturday night instead of going out with your friends. When you tell her you haven’t seen your friends in a while, she’ll probably get mad. You’ll have your first fight. You’ll end up staying in with her on Saturday because of the fight. And she’ll ask that you buy her pizza and pink Moscato.
She’ll cry during the movie and when it’s over she’ll forgive you for asking to go out with your friends and you’ll cuddle.
Then she’ll start to think about how she feels about you, so then she’ll ask if you love her.
After thinking about it for a few minutes you respond and tell her that you love her. After you tell her you love her, she’s going to get very excited.
After a while, she’s going to want a ring to solidify your relationship.
So if you give a girl your number, she’s going to want to get married.
