I never used to struggle with knowing who I was. I knew I was a child of God who was strong, beautiful, secure and worth being loved. Growing up I was surrounded by people who boosted my confidence. I had AMAZING adults surrounding me who never let me forget my Identity rooted in God. I never thought this would be shaken or tried, but it was. What do you do when someone you care about, someone whose opinion you have put on a pedestal tells you that you are not enough, tells you that others are better? What happens then? I do not have an answer. I wish I would have brushed it off continuing on the path of total security, but I didn't.
I began to be insecure and question everything, because how could I be good enough? My brain told me I could never be as good as the people around me. And I let it. I let it dig holes in my confidence. As many bible verses as I read, nothing filled the holes.
When I was in California over the summer at Bethel, I bought a BUNCH of books. As I rounded the corner of a bookshelf, I noticed a book titled "Who Am I." I did not see any point in getting this book. I mean, I knew who I was, right? But, I felt God tug me to buy it. I now know why. He was equipping me for the future. He was securing my confidence. I have not lost my identity. That has already been won. I have lost my view of it.
The thing about building confidence is that it won't happen until a commitment is made. Until you gain a passion for seeing yourself the way God sees you, the fight will look too difficult. But, the second you decide to be done with insecurity, God begins to throw massive ropes. Like bringing your attention to the book you thought would never be helpful for your life.
So, how do you start? No clue. I have absolutely no idea. I have no idea why this is something I feel God pushing me to write about. (Writing about victories is much easier for me. Being vulnerable about current struggles is not my strong suit.) For me, this started by looking up what my name meant. For you, it may be something different. All I know is that I am tired of not knowing who I am, and I am ready for God to show me how awesome he thinks I am.
