We've all heard bits and pieces of stories from somewhere: he hit her in a fight once, she always checks his phone, she always asks what she's doing and where she is; but it doesn't always register in the moment that the kind of behavior being presented should not be the norm. We've become so used to arguing, fighting, disappointment and unhappiness being considered a staple of relationships that little things like checking your Facebook now and again don't seem like such a big deal. But the fact is that acts such as those are all different types of abuse and are not okay, in any relationship. Here are some ways you can identify the different types of abuse you can experience in a relationship:
1. Physical Abuse
Any kind of unwanted physical contact you may have with another person can be considered physical abuse. This can be anything from fighting (punching, kicking, biting, etc.) to grabbing (i.e. in a sexual manner or to stop you from moving or walking away), throwing things at you, performing sexual acts without your consent and more. Remember that as a human being, you have the right not to be touched if you don't want to be and no one should invade that space or disrespect your personal bubble.
2. Emotional Abuse
Threatening, insulting and constantly monitoring another person is considered emotional abuse. This can be especially hard to identify because there is such a wide variety of emotional abuse and the victim will not always feel that they are in immediate danger. Other acts that can be taken as emotional abuse include but are not limited to: name-calling, yelling, stalking, trying to control your habits, a person threatening to harm themselves because of you, blackmailing, breaking and damaging your property and more. There's a really well-done Buzzfeed video that captures this kind of abuse very well.
3. Sexual Abuse
Say it with me: no means no. Any and all unwanted sexual contact is sexual abuse. That can be a kiss, a touch and trying to continue with acts that the other person is not comfortable with (rape, not using a condom, being too rough, etc.). Pressuring and threatening someone into sex or sexual acts is also considered sexual abuse.
4. Financial Abuse
Much like the "monitoring" aspect of emotional abuse, watching and trying to control what someone else is buying, asking for or forcing another person to give access to their bank account(s), taking money without permission and giving gifts with the expectation of getting something in return is financial abuse. It is your choice what you do with your money, and you are not obligated to share that information with someone if you are not comfortable.
5. Digital Abuse
Is someone trying to control or monitor your social media and other online accounts? That person is being digitally abusive. If someone harasses you online; tells you whom you are allowed to speak to over text, email or the like; insults you in status updates; constantly checks your phone; or forces you to give them access to your online accounts, you are experiencing digital abuse. You always deserve a level of privacy, even on the internet.
It should be noted there there are many other signs to identify whether someone is experiencing abuse and this does not always happen in romantic relationships. Whether the offender is a friend, family, acquaintance, co-worker, boss, romantic partner or otherwise, no one is excused from this kind of behavior and it is abuse. If you feel in danger or suspect that you may be experiencing some type of abuse, there are many great resources you can use that offer help. Here are a couple:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
Take care of yourselves and stay safe out there.
