It’s what we look forward to all year. It’s what we dream about during difficult weeks, what keeps us going during the last weeks of classes and finals. Everything going on around us turns into a blur, swirling around before it all melts away with the promise of one word: summer. The feel of warm, bright days where the sun stays up until well into the evening. Trips to the beach, the cabin, the drive in. Filling the days with fun and excitement, everything we’ve wanted to do since being cooped up all winter, all year; the freedom of having so much freedom and control over our own lives. Summer. It’s going to be amazing. Perfect. The best summer ever, just like last year and the year before that. And yet, maybe not quite.

Here I am, two weeks into summer, and I can admit it: I’m bored.

I’ll be the first to say that my image of summer is quite possibly exaggerated and unrealistic, but it’s dreamy and amazing, and what I think summer should be like- though sadly, it is extremely different from my current reality. Nothing is going on in my life. I’ve spent more days than I would like to admit in my pajamas, bingeing on Netflix. Disappointment has set in, and I’m beginning to notice my summer isn’t what I thought it would be. I thought I would spend all of my free time catching up with people. Unfortunately, getting out early for summer break means that the vast majority of my friends are still in school, and those that are off like me have already started their jobs or internships, which take up their time. I thought my days would be endlessly busy, in the best way. I’m certain there’s plenty I could do, but nothing that I’m very aware of, and not much that makes me feel very motivated to get it done. Furthermore, I feel like I am doing things: I help out around the house or run errands, I make plans for the upcoming school year, I make plans with my friends on the rare occasion they’re available. I craft and practice my instruments, and go outside and learn new things. I’ve gone places, and helped out family friends. My days aren’t empty. It’s a deeper sense of bored. My life feels so unstructured, so lacking accomplishment. I might be doing things, but if anyone asks what am I doing, I struggle to answer.

I sense that this issue is very common and current today: when the whole world is always go-go-go, it’s distressing and difficult to spend so much time seemingly not moving. However, it’s definitely personal too; I like the feeling of having plans and projects, and going without those makes me restless. Plus, living in a big city for my amazing, insane first year of college makes everything in my small hometown life seem to move at a painfully slow pace in comparison.

I’m learning to be grateful for this break: a time to slow down, relax, not worry about getting anything done. Getting an expanse of time to do literally whatever I want is a blessing, something I’m sure I’ll wish for in the coming busy years. Luckily, I know my disillusionment is fleeting. My real job as a camp counselor starts in two weeks. Though I may be bored now, I have so much to do soon, and I’m about to be extremely busy. Summer’s not over yet.