I Am Embarrassed When Anyone Asks For My ID

I Am Embarrassed When Anyone Asks For My ID

My drivers licenses is everything I am not because I have not updated my picture, preferred name and gender.

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While transitioning, I have had several embarrassing encounters while having to present my ID, but sometimes you meet a cool individual that doesn't question your picture ID while you're in front of them.

The other day I was shopping and if anyone has been shopping with me, they know I am very indecisive. One because I am a bargain shopper and love the deals. Two because I can have the most confidence one day but be dysphoric the next. So, shopping with me is hit or miss. But, on this day I met a really cool sales associate. He addressed me as "dude" and "man" and I really liked that. Too, this associate wanted to know what I was looking for and if he could help. And I said sure why not because I had time to kill. Thus, he picked me out some outfits and got me a fitting room. We carried on conversations about work, some life events and just had casual conversation. Throughout this whole process, I finally chose a shirt he had picked and gathered a couple more things before heading to the register to pay.

As I was about to pay, he asked me for my ID because I was paying credit (building the credit early ya know). I was hesitant because throughout our conversations he had known me as Ian and I addressed myself as such, but when handing him the ID I soon felt my face turn slightly pink as I was embarrassed in that I felt like two individuals in that moment. A female on ID and a transgender non-binary individual in person. After giving my ID, the questions continued as he asked if I wanted to sign up for rewards and I said "sure". Thus, he needed my email address which is still connected to my biological name. He started typing and while he was typing he was saying my email address back and before you know it, I had to stop him as he started typing "Aaron" as that is the male way to spell my biological name. Thus, I corrected him to "Erin" and continued with my email address information. From talking to him for an hour in the store as Ian to now giving my information as "Erin" I felt embarrassed. Whether he knew I was transgender or not, I am unsure. But what I do know is I have not had many encounters where the sales associate treated me without the care of what gender I was and that my friends felt amazing. He walked around the register, handed me my bag and dapped me up before walking out the store.

Unlike this day, the looks in regard to my driver's license have been the classic look down, look up, then look back down as the individual proceeds to let me know my ID is in fact me like I didn't already know. The other classic look is the wide eyed, mouth perked, and dumbfounded look on the individuals face as they proceed to examine the change from the picture on the license and the individual in their presence. Finally, the most common response to examining my driver license is the common comment of "oh wow you look different" as if the individual standing in front of their face (me) did not know this already.

My driver's license has not been updated in a year and a few months, thus I expect to get the looks or the occasional comments. While I am not upset about the looks or the comments, I have found myself to be rather embarrassed to present my ID. I do not feel confident when presenting my ID because I have very feminized characteristics in my picture such as the long hair, the slight make-up, and the rounder pre-pubescent face. Today with my more masculinized voice, slight facial hair, and change of name, I find myself awkwardly standing twiddling my thumbs, rarely making eye contact, and thinking about anything but what is going through their head as the ID is examined at the hands of the individual.

Many have asked why I have not changed my drivers license and for starters it's the small fee associated with changing an ID picture. Secondly, I am changed it a year and a few months ago when I moved home after college and I plan on moving again soon. Thus, I am sticking this ID out as I do not want to change my addresses again. Lastly, I do not have the legal paperwork needed to change my name on my license, thus I would have an ID picture that matched me for the time being, but I would still have "Erin" printed on loud and clear. So, to save myself some of the fees I have left my license as it is until I move and get the legal paperwork (who knows when that will be because this is NC).

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8 Reasons Why My Dad Is the Most Important Man In My Life

Forever my number one guy.
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Growing up, there's been one consistent man I can always count on, my father. In any aspect of my life, my dad has always been there, showing me unconditional love and respect every day. No matter what, I know that my dad will always be the most important man in my life for many reasons.

1. He has always been there.

Literally. From the day I was born until today, I have never not been able to count on my dad to be there for me, uplift me and be the best dad he can be.

2. He learned to adapt and suffer through girly trends to make me happy.

I'm sure when my dad was younger and pictured his future, he didn't think about the Barbie pretend pageants, dressing up as a princess, perfecting my pigtails and enduring other countless girly events. My dad never turned me down when I wanted to play a game, no matter what and was always willing to help me pick out cute outfits and do my hair before preschool.

3. He sends the cutest texts.

Random text messages since I have gotten my own cell phone have always come my way from my dad. Those randoms "I love you so much" and "I am so proud of you" never fail to make me smile, and I can always count on my dad for an adorable text message when I'm feeling down.

4. He taught me how to be brave.

When I needed to learn how to swim, he threw me in the pool. When I needed to learn how to ride a bike, he went alongside me and made sure I didn't fall too badly. When I needed to learn how to drive, he was there next to me, making sure I didn't crash.

5. He encourages me to best the best I can be.

My dad sees the best in me, no matter how much I fail. He's always there to support me and turn my failures into successes. He can sit on the phone with me for hours, talking future career stuff and listening to me lay out my future plans and goals. He wants the absolute best for me, and no is never an option, he is always willing to do whatever it takes to get me where I need to be.

6. He gets sentimental way too often, but it's cute.

Whether you're sitting down at the kitchen table, reminiscing about your childhood, or that one song comes on that your dad insists you will dance to together on your wedding day, your dad's emotions often come out in the cutest possible way, forever reminding you how loved you are.


7. He supports you, emotionally and financially.

Need to vent about a guy in your life that isn't treating you well? My dad is there. Need some extra cash to help fund spring break? He's there for that, too.

8. He shows me how I should be treated.

Yes, my dad treats me like a princess, and I don't expect every guy I meet to wait on me hand and foot, but I do expect respect, and that's exactly what my dad showed I deserve. From the way he loves, admires, and respects me, he shows me that there are guys out there who will one day come along and treat me like that. My dad always advises me to not put up with less than I deserve and assures me that the right guy will come along one day.

For these reasons and more, my dad will forever be my No. 1 man. I love you!

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To The Best Friend Every Girl Should Be Blessed Enough To Have

You definitely deserve all the love.

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I have not written this letter, but it has been on my list of "to write" for forever. She keeps asking when I will write one about her and every time I tell her, soon.

Well here it is. The truth on why it took so long? No words seem to do everything justice. No matter how I put them or how I want them to sound, the page always makes them look weird and they always sound lame.

But finally, here it is. Best friend, this one is for you.

First and foremost I will start with a holy cow. We have been best friends for only a short time because who knew your "in school friend" from all those math classes would actually turn into this? We put off hanging out outside of school for years, and finally, after suffering through all that algebra we decided enough was enough.

I wish we had sooner.

I wish I had gotten more time with you before we both moved away to college - but ill take whatever time I get with you because well… you're incredible.

Thank you.

Thank you for finally agreeing to hang out with me.

Thank you for listening to every rant ever - whether it was a paragraph long text, a 2 hour FaceTime call or an hour-long car ride.

Thank you for ordering planners with me and spending nights decorating them with me (we are such losers).

Thank you for letting me become a part of your family.

Thank you for going to Friendly's, IHOP and Target at the most ungodly hours.

Thank you for encouraging me in everything I do, and stopping me from making bad decisions.

Thank you for telling me the truth, despite if it hurt me or not, I know now you will never lie about your feelings towards someone (LOL).

Basically, thank you for everything you have done for me. You have made me a better person and you encourage me to be my best self every single day.

Moving on I want to make it clear how incredibly proud of you I am. I love getting texts from you about your love for your classes, and how you want to be president of this club and president of that. How you help out kids, and how you host events. I love hearing about your major and the classes you are so incredibly excited to take. Watching you be so passionate about what you are doing and becoming makes me want to feel the same way in everything I do.

I hope someday my kids are your students because, in your hands, I know they can change the world.

Last but not least, I love you. And you're stuck with me.

Love,

Your forever number one fan

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