Hypothyroidism Thyroid Disease

An Open Letter To My Thyroid Disease

A glimpse at what it's like living with Hypothyroidism: the abnormally low activity of the thyroid gland.

6327
views

Dear Thyroid,

You took so much away from me. My confidence. My excitement. My willingness to take opportunities. Even my happiness.

You made me hate myself, my body and my surroundings. You made me not want to be here anymore.

You allowed me to push away friends and family. You allowed me to totally lose myself.

I went from being athletic,energetic, and outgoing to becoming someone who was always in pain and discouragement.

You forced me to look into the mirror at someone double in size, yet half of a spirit.

You took chunks out of my long, beautiful hair and made it become thinner and thinner.

It wasn't my body anymore, it was yours.

You took me to many doctors that told me it was just a phase of adjustment to college. You made me feel deranged. You made me feel irrelevant.

Because of you, I will never have a normal metabolism, brain, heart, liver, or even reproductive system.

Because of you, I'll never believe I'm beautiful.

Because of you, everything changed.

But,

I realized who will really stick beside me, no matter how much I push them away.

I gained a new perspective on depression and how I'm no where near being alone.

I pushed through even though you fought so hard to keep me back.

I found a boy who reminds me I'm beautiful, even if he has to tell me everyday until I believe it.

I appreciate my mother more than ever. Her patience is beyond me.

I understand just how lucky I really am.

I'd say you win, but that would be a lie.


Not so Respectfully,

Brenna Barber








Popular Right Now

I Became Aware To The Interconnectedness Between My Enneagram Type, Myers Briggs Type, And My Love Languages

Type 9. ENFJ. Quality Time. Coincidence? I think not.

1
views

I do not believe in astrology, but I do have some heavy feelings about all of these tests and what they have to say about me. For the most part, I agree with everything they tell me about myself, and it freaks me out a little bit.

The first test that I took was the Myers Briggs. And yes, before you say anything, I know that the 4 letters do not tell me who I am. I know that they do not define me as an individual, but they do point out most of my character traits- for better and for worse. I am an ENFJ. And if you don't know what that means, the E stands for the extrovert. The N stands for "intuition" which means that I tend to focus on the future, with a view toward patterns and possibilities." Now, I've explained myself previously in stating that I only focus on the immediate future and not the distant one. So please note that. The F means that I make my decisions based on feelings. Anyone who knows me could have told you that one. Finally, J means that I tend to prefer the destination instead of the journey. Granted, I don't feel like I care about the destination nor the journey, and I'm just floating in the wind at this point. Is there a destination? What journey am I even on? I might be having an existential crisis, but at least I'm AWARE of it. That's the important part. Overall, in this category, I'm what you call the "Protagonist" and in short,

"Protagonists are genuine, caring people who talk the talk and walk the walk, and nothing makes them happier than leading the charge, uniting and motivating their team with infectious enthusiasm."

So, yeah.

Next, I took the Enneagram test. I didn't know what the heck it was until freshman year of college. There are many strong opinions about this test, but I think the important part is not to over-analyze what it's telling you and putting on the personality traits that they assign to you. The results are a reflection of the best version of yourself, but no test can really read your mind. With that being said, I am a type 9. This is called the Peacemaker. Peacemakers are

"...accepting, trusting, and stable. They are usually creative, optimistic, and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace. They want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they can also tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. They typically have problems with inertia and stubbornness. At their Best: indomitable and all-embracing, they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts."

I've seen this play out in my own life countless times. How many times have I avoided conflict? Many. How many times has that led to passive aggressiveness? 9 out of 10. However, as someone who has always been the "mom friend" I can attest that I have always enjoyed helping others heal conflicts. I don't enjoy conflict. Also, if you read more about the peacemaker, I really try to find my own inner peace. If that's off balance, then I'm off balance. When I was battling lots of anxiety, I tended to fall into the worst version of myself, and my inner peace was constantly at war. Our basic desire as nines is to have inner stability. I've noticed that I've gotten really good at finding how to attain that "inner stability" in my life. Sometimes it's doing yoga, sitting outside, or watching hours of Netflix. Other times, it's surrounding myself with people who I love and doing activities that I love, like shopping. Have you ever walked inside an Aldi and felt immediate relief? No? Just me? Well, I encourage everyone to find their Aldi. Sometimes finding inner peace requires one other human being. I used to have someone in my life that could give me a hug and I was suddenly at my inner peace. However, they were the same person causing a lot of destruction (that's a different soapbox). So, so far I have Protagonist and Peacemaker on my wonderful list of personality descriptors.

The next self-awareness stop is my love language. Right now, it's quality time. The love language really glues my Protagonist and Peacemaker traits together. I absolutely love being around people, which is the extroverted side of me. It's how I recharge. It's also how I find my inner peace sometimes. It gives me great joy to be able to go-with-the-flow and not get into arguments with anyone either. I also love when a person will come with me to do the little tasks throughout my day. Grocery shopping? Quality time. Driving? Quality time. A phone call? Perfect quality time. I feel SO loved and SO recharged having the influence of people in my life who help me find my inner peace. I feel as if feeling loved also brings out my inner peace.

Overall, I might be having an existential crisis. However, I've realized that everything about me is connected inside of this personality trait web. I'm extroverted, super feelings-based, and focused on the immediate future, while also trying to maintain stability in the present. It seems like a lot, and I know. I've realized that I'm a lot to uncover, which makes the people who spend quality time with me a lot more special. If you've been along for the ride, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

I Will Always Encourage Playing Sports

The reasons everyone should try to play a sport in their lifetime.

253
views

Looking back at high school, I had some good times and some not so good times. A majority of those 'good times' were spent on a court or field with some of my best friends. I will always cherish the quality time I spent with not only them but my coach.

Sports build character. Now, this may sound super cliche and something that a soccer mom might say but it's 100% true. From the get-go, you're learning to corporate with others. My soccer coach always said, "They had to get through the whole team to be able to score."

This meaning, you can't blame one person. It takes a whole team to win and it's important to realize that it takes all of you to lose too. You're learning that things aren't handed to you.

Don't have the position you want? Now before you quit, have you put in the effort to earn that position? Have you taken the criticism given to you positively? If you want to reach a certain goal or play that position, you have to constantly better yourself.

Speaking of constantly bettering yourself, is there really a limit to making yourself better at something? No. Playing sports allows you to reflect on your actions (in this case, your time playing) and see what you can do better.

There is always something to practice or correct and that's not a bad thing. That doesn't mean your not a good player or teammate, it just means you're dedicated to becoming a better player for your team.

Working with a team was hard but it was also fun. There are disagreements and yelling at each other (you can't expect 19 girls to get along all the time.) Playing side by side has taught me that it's not a one-man-show. And it's not that way in the real world either. You have to work with fellow employees and you have to collaborate with classmates.

These girls continue to be some of my good friends and we always refer to silly things we did whenever we played together. Being apart of a team has given me life-long memories. While I probably wouldn't go back to high school, I wouldn't mind being on a team with those girls again.

My Coach was a motivator but also a pusher. He knew when you could do better and he knew exactly how to get you to that point. But he also treated us like family and made the team have an overall warm vibe. We laughed, we cried, he made us run, we'd cry more (jokingly.)

My advice is to join a sport. Even if it's an individual sport, you'll still practice and form relationships with peers and coaches. You'll be happy you did and you might even miss it. A lot.

Related Content

Facebook Comments