’Twas the season for holiday cheer, giving, being with family, and all that jazz. Apparently, this season goes hand in hand with engagements and mushy social media posts about significant others. While I typically don’t mind those kinds of things and love seeing people from my past and present be happy, this year's holiday/ engagement season was a little different; as I’m well into the age range where these things are expected to happen in my own life, it made the wheels start turning on how the whole marriage and dating in college thing works in the south and in turn the motivations and expectations southern women have during their college glory days.

It's definitely not wrong to say many young women down here go to college to get a semi-useful degree, possibly that “Mrs. degree,” make friends, party, find themselves, and probably to find a husband. Some of that definitely lies in old and not so gold southern traditions. Namely our views on how gender roles "work" and the ideal age for marriage. If you don't know what I mean, here it is plain and simple: most families down here still rely on the man as the primary bread winner. Meanwhile, the women tend to the youngins and their other homely, wifely duties. The "normal" age for marriage and beginning said matronly duties is within five years of graduating college, definitely before thirty; most women down here have it in their heads that if they're not married before they're thirty, they'll be undesirable, too old, or become social outcasts. It doesn't help that granny starts asking if you're dating anyone or stating you need to find a man that can take care of you when you're around sixteen or eighteen.

Several people I know from past years who are close to my age (a ripe old 22) have gotten engaged and/ or married shortly after or even before they have degrees or legit jobs with salaries; If my point isn't clear, let’s put it this way, before they take a step into the real world or before they even really get their feet wet, they’re deciding who they want to spend the rest of their lives with, committing themselves (hopefully sincerely), to that person for as long as they shall live. That’s a big deal, probably one of the biggest decisions most of us will make in our lives.

My question is: How do you do that?

Being anywhere from 21- 24 is pretty young to make a major decision like that; at that age, most of us are still trying to figure out who we really are, where we want to go and what to do with our lives. When you stop and think about it, each of us still has so much life left to live at that point; so many nights out with friends, unpredictable days, obstacles to overcome, people to meet, places to go, things to accomplish, not to mention starting a career. What if you get caught up in the moment, say yes, get married and then figure out it's not what you really want or that's not how you see your future? What then?

Aside from dreading granny's annual dating interrogation, one of the biggest things you get to do at this age is to experience the world as your own independent person and find out how you fit into it; you get to explore what life is like outside of being a student. How some people know who they want to marry when so many amazing possibilities and days filled with numerous opportunities are in front of them, is beyond me. I suppose if you feel strongly enough about someone and know without a doubt you wouldn’t want to do life with anyone else, then go for it. More power to those people who can confidently make that decision so soon, I wish them all the best in their endeavors and adventures together.

However, that’s not how I am going to choose to write this chapter of my life.

I have no desire to be married by the time I’m 24, just like I had no desire to be married by the time I made it to 22. Similarly, starting a family was something I never considered doing this early on. There are times I daydreamed and still find myself dreaming about finding that special someone during my college years and living my life like most every other girl around here. But more often than not, these dreams end up with me seeing myself as that girl who shows up to her 10 year high school reunion without a date, husband, or fiancée to speak of because that's more true to how my life works. Heck, there have been one or two instances where I thought I'd found somebody I could stick with. But I was wrong. Honestly, I just don’t think that’s how this specific chapter of my story in this world is meant to go. Not necessarily because it has to or because my time being young, wild, and free would end but because it’s just not in the cards for me right now. And I'm okay with that. I'm really very okay with it.

I hardly have time for a social life as a student, let alone perfecting my dating game to chase guys and playing silly mind games with them. Thinking about who I want to spend the rest of my life with or making that decision and starting to plan the big day is something I think about in passing. Right now, the majority of my thoughts revolve around how I can cram in the last few classes I need to get the heck out of school. The remainder of my thoughts center around passing and taking full advantage of the education I'm getting. If you're a truly devoted student, I'd think your life runs a pretty similar path.

Besides that, I want more out of my life as a young adult than just romance and marriage tied up in a neat little package. My time in college is not solely for the purpose of finding a husband and making memories I can tell my kids about before the memory has gotten all fuzzy. Yea, school is about having fun, making memories, and finding lifelong friends; I'm all for that, it's definitely a part of my own college career. But the first reason I'm in school is to get an education and a degree I can build a career on, to learn and better myself and figure out who I am before I step into the real world; I want to have a little life under my belt before I intertwine my life with someone else's or even think about creating another life.

My final year of college and the months and years directly after are not for wedding planning, buying a house, or any of that. Instead, I'm reserving them for going out into the world to have exciting adventures, meet new people, stumble upon wonderful opportunities, and accomplish things as the independent person I am. I want to make something of myself. After all, this is the time in our young lives where we get to be a bit selfish and make decisions that best benefit us, so we can be all that we have aspired and worked to be. As unfortunate as it is, some young women lose sight of that in the throws of their husband-hunting.

But contrary to the typical southerner's opinion, a woman's life is not defined by who she marries and how soon she can swing a husband to support her; while a marriage is something that makes you happy and is a major milestone, it is not a defining life accomplishment. Getting promoted, starting a successful business, finding an awesome job, or moving to a new state or country for your career are true life accomplishments.

While getting married may be a mile stone for those with the "Mrs. Degree," or some who feel their dating career has been less than stellar, many women don't see it that way. It's not like olden times where you had to have a good dowry and marry a rich man to have a decent life that came with any kind of social status. Nowadays, you can do all that and more by yourself; you could work your way up the ladder in a good company or make your own friends in a higher social class. You can live and work in a man's world with ease while kicking butt and taking names. That's something our grandmothers and great-grandmothers dreamed of doing.

That's not to say you can't have your own life or be successful while you're married or in a relationship. It just adds a little more complication when you have to factor in the wants, needs, and dreams, of another person you care about; and compromising with someone on those things isn't always that easy. Imagine doing all the things you do as a college student as a married person who's in their early 20's. Would you want to give up your dreams and aspirations just like that? Would you want to stay home and miss a fun girls' night out to take care of your kid? Would you want to settle down that quickly?

For all you people out there feeling like you should follow the crowd and find somebody to get hitched to, don't. Don't settle into something before you're ready; be selfish with your life, live the way YOU want to, and don't give up your dreams for someone else before you're ready or to please your family. This is your life, your story. You're the author, make bold plot decisions. Write a story you'd want to publish to the world and make a best-seller.