The hamburger, a premier dish for many that highlights the fundamental spirit of diners and fast-food. Beloved though they may be, it's easy to see that not all patties are cooked or prepared in the same way, or to the same standard. I've long fancied myself somewhat of a burger connoisseur, and over my years of culinary exposition, I've uncovered a few tell-tale signs of what makes for the best burger available.

Be it vegetarian, vegan, ramen, or otherwise, the hallmark of any good burger lies in its foundation-- the bun. Now, I understand that burgers aren't the cleanest of foods. Consuming one is often a messy endeavor, and there's a solid chance that some of the ingredients may list and fall to your plate before they can be properly dealt with. At the same time, if the integrity of the bread (or bread-like surrogate) is lacking, the whole shebang, no matter how tasty, is doomed to a complete nuclear meltdown. Lettuce will fly, onions will rupture, and all semblance of a sandwich will trickle down into a vortex of a doomed lunch outing. Indeed, when considering a burger at any eatery, it is vital to gauge what I call "the level of destructibility." Most of us can tell when a set of buns aren't built to last, and recognizing this fact can mean the difference between a hearty meal and a liquefied diet.

Moving inward, the next topic of intrigue is the quality of the patty itself. Whether dealing with meat, mushrooms, beans, or other alternatives, solid, healthy ingredients are a must. A little grease is fine, but a lot of grease leaves questions. Cold or mushy vegetable patties are certain to raise some eyebrows, and if you really have to wonder if that is a portabella mushroom, it may very well not be. I'm not suggesting that you ought to go and put your favorite restaurants through an inquisition, as most of us can eyeball matters for ourselves or know the state of affairs after just one bite. A lot probably boils down to common sense, but even as a wholesome and benevolent customer, you don't have to settle for subpar or unhealthy food. And, while questing for the perfect burger, anything less simply will not do.

Lastly, always be aware of condiments and various additives when ordering or constructing your burger of choice. There are any number of possible combinations when it comes to veggies, meats, cheeses, and everything in between and, predictably, no one addition may speak to every audience. Some folks just can't do Swiss, while others may abhor the very idea of arugula complementing beef: and that's ok. Not unlike hotdogs or any other flexible victual, you get out what you put in. Everyone has different tastes, and for that reason my ideal of the ultimate burger is likely entirely different from the person to my right or left. There are definitely some general do's and do not's, but everyone's cuisine expedition is ultimately their own. Bigger or better, slider or smaller, the path to deliciousness takes many forms and many faces: for all those giving chase to burger absolution, keep hungry and carry on.