Dear Periods,

Listen we need to talk. We really need to start having a better relationship if you are going to keep showing up every month. The least you can do is let me know when you’re going to show up. No surprise visits please! Even if it is a surprise, please give a little hint so women around the world don’t hate you every single time. You’ve been coming around since the early teenage years and let's face it, you’ve been there. Maybe not for the better, but you’ve been there.

Honestly, we have more of a hate relationship IF anything. You’ve really embarrassed me at times when you have to let the rest of the world know I’m with you. You just love to make an appearance don’t you. You have your moments when you are good. Like when you’re craving ice cream or flaming hot cheetos. Or both in one setting. That’s when I love you. Or when sometimes you make me feel nice and skinny even if you have me bent over in pain. Or you even let me sleep. You force me to be so tired that I actually fall asleep for once.

But if you can stop making me so damn emotional that would be a little more helpful. Yes children are cute and so are puppies, but making sure I cry each time really is not necessary. I wish you would just let me control my own emotions. Being angry is fine as long it’s not over the grass being green or the sky not being blue enough. And do you HAVE to make me feel bad about myself? I’m really sick of having to apologize for you every time you make me extra upset, emotional, or angry.

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Did I mention the pain in the uterus you are. I mean I get it, you’re in town visiting for a couple of days but must you have me laying on my floor curled up in a ball. Can you please leave my back alone. It is bad enough you have me only being comfortable on the floor hugging a heating pad, but my back too. There are only so many heating pads that a girl can use. And I really wish you did not make me feel like I just walked through fire. If you can stop messing with my thermostat, that would be great.

Listen I know we are going to keep coexisting for at least 20 or so more years, so maybe we can just deal with each other until you are completely gone. The whole seesawing with my emotions can be taking down a bit for the sake of my friendships please. But I will let you have your cravings, after all, I can use an excuse to eat ice cream for dinner. And for future reference, I will continue to use you for an excuse for overeating and off the chart emotions. Honestly there’s no point in reasoning with you. You’re just going to keep stepping all over me and not listen any way. So here is to agreeing to disagree with you. Ugh until next time I guess…

Yours Truly

- the gender that has to deal with you