I attended my first UCO meeting almost two years ago, at the beginning of the 2014 fall semester and my second year at Lansing Community College. I was still a fairly devout Christian at the time, in search of fellowship with other faithfuls among my college peers. I hadn't heard of the group prior to stumbling upon their table at the outdoor fair of registered student organizations, and I had only one friend in the group, who I ran into at the first meeting I attended.

I ventured to the Michigan State University campus and, for the first time, experienced a routine worship service of University Christian Outreach, a self-described ecumenical, charismatic Christian college group with many chapters throughout the world, whose Lansing chapter was for MSU and LCC students. Ecumenical, as I later learned, means that UCO includes all Christian denominations, whether Protestant, Catholic, or Orthodox. Catholics made up a significant faction of the Lansing chapter; I was one of the few non denominational Christians within the group.

I entered a room full of folks primarily around my age enthusiastically singing along to worship music, led by a low-key, guitar-dominated band at the front of the room. My initial meeting was marked by natural feelings of shyness, awkwardness, and slight discomfort that aren't atypical for me in new, unfamiliar situations. Part of the awkwardness was due to the attendees' practice of individually praying aloud between songs. I subsequently learned that such a practice is a staple of charismatic worship, which should be fairly self-explanatory; it's essentially a very enthusiastic form of worship, which often includes praying aloud and speaking in tongues, among other things. My understanding of charismatic worship is still a bit shaky, but from the reading I've done, and what I learned in UCO, the point of it is to remove the barriers that impede our connection with God. I came to find that the style of charismatic worship common at UCO was comparatively tame, as I hadn't experienced a Pentecostal charismatic worship service.

Everyone stuck around and mingled after the worship, and I met four or five regular attendees, all of whom were very warm, friendly, and welcoming. I subsequently jumped right in and immersed myself within the group. Before I knew it, I was attending virtually every weekly meeting, and knew basically all of the other regular attendees.

Flash forward almost two years, and I have abandoned my faith entirely, and have a completely different outlook on life. Losing my faith was something I was afraid of, something that I never saw myself doing at various points in my life. But now that I have made that choice to break away from the Christian faith, I am much happier, and more at ease with myself.

However, I have to acknowledge the role that UCO has played in my life, because it cannot be ignored. I've come to have many issues with the theologically conservative interpretation of Christianity promoted by UCO, issues that are too vast and complex to delve into here. But there are many other ways that my involvement with UCO benefited me, and helped my growth as a person.

I eventually did get used to the charismatic style of worship, to the point where I grew to like it and adapt it to my own practice of worship, though I'm not sure I ever fully got used to the praying aloud and speaking in tongues. I also grew to like the songs and the low-key style of worship. It's astounding the beauty that can come out of a group of faithful singing praises together.

But the fellowship and human relationships I found and built within UCO might be the primary way UCO benefited me. UCO became a place where most everyone knew me, and gave me possibly the only group of people around which I felt comfortable. My social awkwardness didn't cease when I was with them, but the familiarity that developed from being around these people on a regular basis came to give UCO a homely feel to me. There was always a great chemistry among UCO folks that made them fun to be around.

In UCO, for the first time, I formed deep friendships with other men. Prior to my involvement with UCO, most of my friendships were with women, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but also had its downsides. Though I befriended some women in UCO as well, most of the friendships I made in UCO were with other men, and I eventually became comfortable with my newfound male friends as confidantes. I turned to my male friends to hold me accountable, and partook in a "men's group," which is fairly self-explanatory; it's essentially a group of men who support each other and hold each other accountable to better their faiths and lives. Each guy in my group had his own unique personality and sense of humor, and all of them were fun to be around, both individually and collectively. But behind their goofy exteriors was an obvious dedication to their faith and to living out a meaningful life. Having that support, that group of men to provide me with perspective, made a significant difference in my life for the better.

So, when my doubts began to intensify, ultimately sending me into a nasty depression, and resulting in a period of inner turmoil and conflict about who I was and what I believed, one major influence--whether I liked it or not--was the possibility of losing the one place where I felt truly comfortable being myself, and becoming disconnected from my closest friends. I opened up about my crisis of faith to my friends in UCO and emphasized the severity of it, and that's when I discovered the true loyalty of having friends in UCO. Everyone I told about my doubts assured me that our friendship was not contingent upon whether or not I was a Christian, and that I was always welcome in UCO no matter what. Due to the severity of my depression, very little could significantly comfort me in that moment, but needless to say, I was touched by their loyalty.

As I sought out treatment for depression, I eventually came to terms with the fact that I had lost my faith. But I didn't lose the friends I had made within UCO. I don't know how many people within the group are aware of my lapse in faith, but whether they know or not, everyone in UCO still welcomes me with open arms.

Being surrounded by, and interacting with, Christians in UCO and elsewhere all my life, I've witnessed the benefits of religious faith in people's lives, including my own. For me, I've found that my life is happier and better without devotion to any faith, higher power, or organized religion. But despite my qualms with Christianity, the appeal of it is easy to see when one interacts with folks in UCO. Whatever one might think of Christianity or organized religion, one cannot help but see a certain beauty in the practitioners' expression of their faith, and how their faith seeps into virtually every aspect of their lives.

That being said, I have no regrets about breaking away from the faith. I've found the most happiness and liberation I've ever felt in my life. Thus, it is likely that my involvement with UCO will steadily decrease as I enter my next year of college. Many of my close friends within the group are leaving, and even if I was still a Christian, I couldn't have depended on UCO forever.

But UCO has had an undeniable influence on my growth as a person, and gave me the experience of companionship and a place where I could feel comfortable being myself. And for that, I will be forever grateful.