How To Tell You're Painfully Single

I have been single for 18 years of my life. I consider myself a professional. Therefore, I am here to tell you if you are, in fact, painfully single like I am.

1. You haven’t shaved in two months.

There aren’t any guys seeing you so what’s the point? No need to sacrifice that layer of insulation in the winter. Plus, you get to look like Tom Hanks in "Castaway."

2. Tinder is your last resort when it comes to dating.

You think Tinder is stupid? Your expectations are already too high. Everyone uses Tinder. Except the hot Berkley boys you walk past on Mass Ave that you never find on Tinder.

3. Trying to compensate for your singleness by thinking you’re extremely funny.

At least your best friend laughs at your jokes.

4. Flirting with your heterosexual bff who’s just as single as you are.

She’s also the only one who will cuddle and watch YouTube videos with you.

5. Friday nights are not spent at a frat party meeting guys, but at a dinner date with your best friend.

You don’t have to worry about how you look while you’re eating since you’re with your best friend, not some guy you’re trying to impress.

6. Your celebrity crushes are suddenly a million times more important.

And you start to think that somehow the stars will align and you’ll meet them and fall in love.

7. Convincing yourself that the guy you just walked past on the street will end up being your husband.

Face it, every hot guy you walk past probably already has a girlfriend.

8. Trying to empower yourself by convincing yourself that you’re okay with being single when you’re totally not.

“I am a strong, independent woman...” *cries* “...that needs a man.”

9. Your standards suddenly become very low.

Like, significantly.

10. Sometimes you have coffee dates… by yourself.

You convince yourself that sitting alone in a coffee shop is your aesthetic when, in reality, you just want someone to love you as much as you love coffee.

11. You learn to love yourself.

And that’s the best thing to be able to do.