Hi. I know this hasn't been easy for you. Maybe you're always the life of the party, the smiley optimist, or just anyone else, but you just haven't been feeling like you lately. Maybe you feel like you're spiraling out of control, or maybe something is just a little off. I want you to know that you aren't alone. It has been a tough year and it's okay for you to not be okay. It is not up to you to apologize for your emotions. I want you to know that no matter how big or small this feels to you, you'll get past it, and I'm here to help. Ever since this semester started, I've just not been feeling like myself. There is just no better way to describe it. I've been frustrated and putting my priorities in all the wrong place. I am generally a cheerful person, but I've been lashing out and saying things I don't mean, and sometimes when I smile, it feels like a lie. I've been battling insecurities and trying to just ignore what I've been feeling, but I need to address it and this is what I'm going to try to do to get back to being, well, me.
1. When a friend asks how I'm doing, I'm going to be honest.
I would never call myself a liar, but my knee jerk response to "Hi, how are you?" is "I'm good. How are you?" I know that I'm not alone in this, but I think it sometimes edges me into that dishonest category. Now, I'm definitely not going to start spilling my insecurities to the barista at Starbucks, but maybe letting a friend know how I'm actually doing will allow me to let go of some of this weight I'm carrying and encourage them to do the same!
2. I'm going to adjust my priorities.
As a student, school is our number one job, but anyone can tell you there are so many other commitments and aspects that go into it other than just attending class and turning in homework assignments. I have been feeling really discouraged lately because I feel like I have no idea what it is I actually want to do with my degree. There are so many paths I could take that I'm interested in, but I'm just so unsure. I have been having a hard time motivating myself to get things done early because I feel like there isn't a clear path for me so I end up stressing myself out by waiting until the last minute. I need to focus on setting myself up to be happy now. Being able to balance my assignments with my outside responsibilities without stressing myself to the point of being sick about what comes next is something I'm going to focus on. Putting a timeline on my life and what I think success looks like is unhealthy, and I want to do better.
3. I want to discover my passions once again.
I love to read. I mean like, really love it, but I tend to let it slip away from during the semester, and especially so far this semester. Same thing with writing. I want to be able to make these things part of my routine even when I'm feeling unmotivated because I know they make me happy. I think that having these passions and creative outlets will really help my mental health, even if it's just a few minutes a day.
4. I want to take self-care and my mental health more seriously.
This means something different to everyone. Maybe you can relate, maybe not, but I tend to brush everything off as a joke. I am also not always very kind to myself. I want take a step back and take all of these small things and use them to be kind to myself, take my emotions seriously, and put in the work to be happier and the best version of myself can be. I want to be able to laugh louder than the little voice in my head that tells me my friends hate me. I want to stop setting unrealistic expectations for myself and be okay with where I am and how hard I'm working, even if it's not where I though I'd be. Taking the time to have honest conversations and doing things I enjoy instead of just bottling things up and pushing through my life is an important step towards where I want to be.
I hope by sharing my struggles and my plan with you that I've helped you feel a little less alone in whatever your struggle may be. Just remember to be kind to yourself and that you are never alone. It's okay to have felt the growing pains of this last year and maybe you haven't been feeling yourself because you are evolving, and that's okay too.
