Don’t let the title fool you, I am far from mastering the art of moving on. Perhaps it isn't even really an art, just something that some of us are better at than others. The past few months especially, i have found myself tangled among more than one person, unable to turn and new leaf and move on to what is truly best for me. I’ve always been an indecisive person, the task of choosing an ice cream flavor is enough to send me into a panic. It shouldn't be surprising that choosing the people i want to surround myself is difficult for me. I believe that everyone walks into our life for a reason, to teach us a lesson, or better us as a person. The part i struggle with is accepting that people also must walk out of our lives for that same reason.
I hold onto things until they dangle and I find myself dragging them along. I have been very selfish. I think that I can leave others as I please, and come running back to them when i find myself alone for a moment. I know in my heart that this is wrong. When someone does the same to me, I shame them, and wallow in grief for days. I repeatedly scold myself for thinking that i am at all superior to others.
The issue is that i always believe things may just work out again. That maybe this person has something in them that i need, something that i must continuously search for. It’s the what if question that keeps me wondering, that’s the question that keeps me coming back.
I’m hoping i begin to learn how to let people go in order to make room for someone better.
Things are crowded right now in the worst possible way. I have no idea where to turn, for fear of making the wrong decision. There is a constant battle between what I know and what I feel, between letting things happen and going out and making them happen ourselves. I desperately hope that one day i can decide.
To anyone that i have wronged, to anyone i have hurt because I am incapable of not watering a dead flower, I am sorry. I am still learning about this art of moving on, I hope you can understand.
