She is a paradox. She is a mix of introverted and outgoing. She keeps to herself and only answers when called. She longs for comfort among others yet finds true clarity in herself.
"She is a paradox. She is faithful and yet detached. She is committed and yet relaxed. She loves everyone, and yet no one. She is sociable and also a loner. She is gentle and yet tough, she is passionate but also platonic. In short she is predictable in her own unpredictability." — Unknown
There is a point when you become used to not needing anyone in your life anymore. She know's exactly who she is supposed to be, and she doesn't seek anyone's approval. She will be able to feel a connection with many, and they might feel comfortable with her, but it will take time until she feels fully safe with you. This can make relationships a struggle. At times, she will push you away, knowing most good things come to an end. It’s in her nature. She is groomed to depend on only herself. It might puzzle you, but there are too many walls to count that a person would have to break down to see her immeasurable depth. Even when you think a final part of the puzzle has been found, she’ll rearrange and change her order. It will leave you dazzled and out of breath. Confused yet straining to know why she continues to dumbfound you.
You see, her colors shine brighter than any others' because she has lived through the black and white her entire life — only to come out at the end of the tunnel and shed the gray matter to find the light was inside her the whole time.
She is tough, brave but above all, independent. Circumstances have taught her to never expect anything from anyone.
Someone left from her life before she was done needing them. She won’t ever tell you about it openly, but it still stings. She doesn’t want others to see her agony or vulnerability. So, she keeps to herself because that is what she is used to. She wont admit to it, if you ask, but sometimes, she wishes someone could wisp her away to forget about her painful past. She knows this isn’t the case though, so she will continue to suppress her feelings.
She doesn’t just suppress the hurt. She suppresses most of her complex layers not knowing how to reveal them to others. The language in which she communicates isn’t the one that is heard most often, so she chooses not to speak.
It takes time for her to become fully comfortable, and in time, she will. Patience is the key. It will prove to her you are in it for the long haul. This is something she won’t be used to and eventually, she will reveal herself to you. Being emotionally transparent is how she expresses her love. She knows exactly who she is and what she wants in life. She knows how to accomplish it and will always do whatever it takes to achieve her goals and she is proud of that. She doesn’t need permission from anyone, because she's used to getting everything on her own. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t need you.
She will continue to try to push you away, instinctively, without realizing it. Secretly, she wishes you will stand up and challenge her. Something everyone else is too intimidated to do.
There is no doubt, she is strong and at times, maybe too strong. But don’t let it scare you away.
What is visible to most people is the outer shell she puts on display to avoid getting hurt. She is so used to just taking care of herself, that it’s going to be hard for her to let someone else in. It took years of pulling herself up by the bootstraps to get to where she is now: independent, staying true to who she is and being able to find happiness on her own. The only reason she doesn’t lower her defenses is because she is scared of getting hurt, again.
She is cut from a different metal, something comparable to diamonds that, no matter how many times you try to cut or scratch them, never retains a scar. They continue to shine brighter and brighter.
If you choose to fall for this girl, just know it won’t be easy. She will continue to be a mystery and allude you for as long as she can. But when you really get to know her, she’ll be the girl who will change your life. Don’t always give in to her, but be patient with her. She’s strong, but she’s also fearful — fearful of losing love, fearful of being emotionally dependent on someone and definitely scared of being vulnerable. Remember, not needing anyone wasn't her will but it was the only choice she had in her past experiences.
She is not a one in a million kind of girl, but she is a once in a lifetime kind of woman. Take a chance on this diamond in the rough, and let her brightness dazzle you.
