If you’re a person and you’ve ever had a friend you know how it feels to be on the rocks with them. No matter the reason or season, conflicts are a part of friendships. There are times of disagreement or unintentional hurt that get to the best of us. What’s more important than the conflict or argument is how you deal with it, how you get through it.
There are a few things to always keep in mind during periods of conflict. These things will preserve your friendship through the craziest ordeals.
Wait on it. Don’t react in the moment. Take the time to consider the words or actions that could possibly one day end your friendship. Too often, we act and speak impulsively when in arguments. The things we say and do under the influence of anger, frustration or pettiness can have the same catastrophic effects as when we’re under the influence of alcohol. Bring yourself to recognize when those feelings are coming over you so you can pause, decompress and come back to the situation with a better mindset. All those hurtful things you could say to your friends but don’t can find their way to your mouth when you’re angry. And while it is good to speak on those things, the best time is when you’re trying to better your friendship. During an argument is probably the worst time. Letting tension continue to rise during a scream fest could lead to physical altercations. A slap, a punch, or a full on fight is always avoidable. Avoid them and immediate reactions. Go take a chill pill then reconvene.
Okay, now for when you step away. Analyze the situation. ANALYZE! Deconstruct the whole situation and try to figure out where you or your friend went wrong. Find the responsibility both of you need to take. Most of the times, no one person is wrong. But we’ll be so wrapped up in how the other person is wrong and so convinced that they’re wrong, that we don’t take one second to own to anything. Even if you find that you need to apologize for something as innocent or simple as not listening. Apologize for that! It can go a long way. Take the time away to really understand the conflict holistically so you can come up with the most effective resolution. Time and consideration have saved so many friendships.
Last but not least, don’t leave it unresolved. If there’s a problem or conflict and it’s ignored, it will find a way to re-emerge some day. Tension and disagreement will only fester beneath the surface of good times. The next conflict to occur will feed off of that unresolved one. And weird vibes are sure to rear their ugly head at some point or another. That weird and awkward vibe denigrates a friendship. Don’t let that happen!
Above all else, preserve your friendship. If you cherish your relationship and you still feel as dedicated to it as when you first became friends, work to keep it. Bumps in the road happen, riffs are going to interfere, but you can’t let them destroy what you’ve built with someone.
