The Test Of Friendship

The Test Of Friendship

Thanks for being my 1/100,000.
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"Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you've met and you're like, 'Yep, I like this one,' and you just do stuff with them." - Bill Murray

Over the course of a lifetime, we have the privilege to meet a variety of different people, who may, or may not happen to be similar or alike to us in any way at all. According to an infographic from Funders & Founders, it's estimated that we interact with about 80,000 people over course of our lifetime, which of course, varies. This looks like an extremely high number, I agree. 80,000 people comes more from the idea that we make eye contact with strangers as we grab bread off the shelf at the grocery store, or as we take Exit 28B to La Jolla Village Dr., next to a family with a license plate from New Mexico. So, divide that by the total population of the world (2016), which Live Population regularly updates, is 7,432,663,275, and the equation reveals that we meet about 1 out of every 100,000 people. Just think: out of these 80,000 people we see, we choose a couple or a few whom become our best friends: our confidants, our rocks, our soul mates, our wing(wo)men for the rest of our lives.

Unfortunately, as time goes on, ties break, and people exit our lives through the same door they entered. As we grow up, we make new friends and lose old ones. Our first best friends that we made as our parents left us crying, sitting on the alphabet carpet on the first day of kindergarten, the ones we ran off to chase the boys with during recess, are no longer the little girls in the flowery dress with pigtails on the top of their heads. In fact, most likely, if you or I were to see our first best friend, (unless you stayed good friends throughout school), we might not even recognize each other, as we began to go our separate ways and mature at different times when we disagreed on who would play the doctor or mom during free time.

The friendships that are held together throughout the bossy years of playing house, the awkward brace-face years, and ugly years of useless, teenage drama, are the ones that are truly worth something. True friendships can't be broken due to the lack of seeing one another when times get busy and life starts to create a series of obstacles. For, if someone honestly cares about you, they will make time for you, no matter what.

The true test of friendship is a silent one. It's a test that sits there, and waits to be called upon. The test of friendship is evident during many experiences, such as the transferring of schools, no matter which grade, the process of moving, whether it's to another nearby town or faraway state, excruciating heartbreak, and the silence that sits, as you two have run out of something to say. It's the comfortableness of another human being that shares similar values and experiences as you.

An important thing to note is that true friendship does not leave. There is no expiration date. Yes, the relationship might dim and fade, but unless you end it, there is no telling what might happen. Friendship is as timeless as we allow it to be. As we continue to grow, it is also important to note the type of toxic friendship that becomes unnecessary to hold on to. One does not need anyone who puts a damper on their life. Remember that it is okay to move on with your life, and possibly never get closure or an apology for the bad blood that is left sitting between you and another person. Sometimes you have to be okay with the other person not being able to talk things out like adults, and be able to simply accept the bitter apology that you will never receive. People are like seasons; they change. It is important to remember that if someone does not put in effort to stay in your life, then they do not deserve you in their life. If you pay close enough attention, life teaches us to recognize the difference between people who want to be in our lives for the moment versus the ones who actually want to stay in our lives for a lifetime. Because, if they truly cared as much as they say, they would have acted differently.

All one needs is the support and love from those who care about him or her. Friendship should not be a burden, but rather there should be a balance between the two people. Friendship does not ask for someone to tell the other person how they should feel or what they should do differently, unless advice is asked for. Friendship simply asks for a listening ear to understand, a strong stomach to laugh at bad jokes for hours, a shoulder to cry on, and a hand to hold, when necessary.

True friendship is knowing that whether you have good news or bad, you can always depend on the other to support you, throughout both the happy and sad times. It's knowing that both can depend on one another to be honest and nonjudgmental towards each other's choices. It's trusting that this person will care for you whether you're on the bathroom floor bawling your eyes out, or on cloud nine. It's the feeling of knowing that you are able to show up in the driveway of a friend's house at 2:00 a.m., knock on the window because you're crying over a stupid, insensitive boy that broke your heart, and know that they would be right there listening to you, and maybe even holding you, because they know that even sniffling that interrupts the silence between you two is comforting. Knowing that you don't have to go through the bad times alone means everything.

As I've grown older and have moved away from home, I've realized that friendship is not seeing the same people every day. Friendship is making the effort to see each other when you can, even if it's grabbing a coffee during a 15 minute lunch break. It's texting or calling someone just to have a conversation to see how their day went, simply because you care. Friendship is telling someone that you're hungry at 1:00 a.m. and telling them that you'll be at their house in 10 minutes to drive to In & Out to get a Double Double and fries. The best part about having friends is that in the moment, the two of you aren't thinking about how you two are friends. Both are simply enjoying the time they are spending with each other; and that's something beautiful. If the friendship becomes long distance and you two don't see each other as often as you would like, you know the friendship is real when you can pick up right where you left off. All of the inside jokes, favorite things to do, and songs blasting with the windows down are the same. The best part is seeing the same person or thing and having the same reaction or just making eye contact with one another and knowing exactly what the other is thinking. That's the beautiful part about a real friendship; the tie is never severed. The truth is, friendship has no boundaries, just new experiences.

I am very thankful for the true friends that I have that have supported me through both the good and bad parts of my life. I'm sorry if I do not remind you enough, but from me to you, I very much appreciate our friendship.

Thank you for being my 1/100,000.

"Friendship ... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything." - Muhammad Ali




Cover Image Credit: Tumblr

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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Summer = Rest?

Sometimes it feels as if we need a vacation... from our vacation.

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Ah summer: Popsicles and sun burns, mixed with fresh-squeezed lemonade that local kids are pandering to make enough money for Roman candles and Black Cats. The crack of the bat can be heard among the simmering charcoal grills and Troy-bilts humming through the ever-lasting sun. School is out and children are wild. It's a paradise.

Or is it?

But after countless sports camps and tournaments, other camps, vacations, school (?) events, traveling teams, VBS, summer seems to have been sucked fun-free.

Maybe it's Hollywood and Harper Lee's fault for giving us this utopian view of what summer should look and feel like (I'm looking at you Sandlot). But how can we really rest this summer? Because everyone needs some actual rest, even adults.

First thing is do NOT pack your summer full. Say no to some things. Coaches and Families can expect too much and it's okay to say no to them. You have to. There is no time for kids to be kids anymore.

Work can take a backseat. Vacations need to be taken. Families need to reconnect.

And for all my super-scheduled people out there, please PLEASE don't schedule out your vacation. Just enjoy it.

Another bit of advice would be to put away the technology and spend some time outside. When was the last time you tried to catch lightning bugs? Or went for a swim? Or listened to birds on your front porch?

I may sound like I have an old soul, but I really feel like we have lost this connection to the outside world. Summer is all about getting a farmer's tan and getting stung once or twice. I can guarantee you that's some of the best therapy in the world.

Maybe this sounds all over the place. Maybe this sounds like me ranting. And it probably is.

But I'm telling you that this stuff matters. Don't let summer whiz by and you arrive in August more drained that you were in May. Enjoy this time with family and friends.

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