To The Relationships Founded on Forevers

To The Relationships Founded on Forevers

Just because it's over, doesn't mean it was a failure.

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I always thought that my first love, would be my one and only forever. Like most young and naive girls, I threw caution into the wind and engulfed myself into a reckless love. A love full of "forevers" and a love full of "always." He was a part of me, and I was a part of him. I couldn't imagine a future that didn't include him in my life, and I don't think I ever allowed myself to wonder that possibility. But sometimes, the person you think is your forever, wasn't meant to be. But that doesn't mean that relationship was a failure.

My first love changed me, and as much as I wish we were still together now, there's a reason we're not. He broke my heart, so truly and deeply. I still love him, and he'll always hold a place in my heart. I refuse to hate our relationship, not for him, but for my sake. He changed me. I learned what true love in a relationship was like, and how to open up to someone again. I never thought that I'd have a love like I had with him, and I now know that I can find that again.

Love is truly a drug. Once you get a taste, it's all you feel that you want and need. So when it's taken away you go through withdrawals. You imagine the good times you had with that person, and are tortured by the fact that you can't go back to those moments. Yet, you also remember what brought you to this point, and wish you never had a taste of that love. But truly, any relationship teaches you a lesson. Although I'm hurting immensely, I know that I was supposed to go through this withdrawal from love. Everything happens for a reason, even if in the moment it doesn't make sense. The relationship I had with him wasn't a failure. Our love wasn't a failure.

The hardest part of moving on, is accepting that the relationship is over. It's hard to not wonder what you did or didn't do, or to take it personally. I still check his social media to see if our pictures are still up, and wonder if he thinks as much about me as I still think about him. It's okay to miss your ex, but it's not okay to allow this breakup to define how you feel about yourself. I know that I'm worthy of being loved. I deserve respect, I deserve to be able to trust, and I deserve to be appreciated for the person that I am. My breakup was a product of someone who was too cowardly to do things the right way. The only fault I had was trusting that the boy I loved would do right by me, and that's not my fault at all.

People change, and that goes not only for relationships but beyond. In my case, I felt like the person I loved died. In a way he did, and it's okay to mourn the person you were with and the relationship you had. It's hard to accept that your best friend was not meant to be your person. Life has an odd way of teaching us lessons, some harder to swallow than others. But each day that pain will subside, and the immense emotions you feel now and even myself as I type this article, will slowly fade. I'll be able to reflect back on this relationship as a learning experience, versus a failure.

I still wish my ex the best and believe that he isn't a bad guy. I still have thousands of questions that run through my mind that'll never be answered. Accepting that you need to move on is tough, and it hurts. It hurts to let go of that piece of yourself, but with that loss I've found that I've gained experiences. I've learned that people change, I've learned how to love another with all of myself, I've learned how to open myself with no promises of a future, and I've learned that sometimes things end and that's okay.

What hurts me more than this breakup, is realizing how many other girls and guys have gone through similar experiences. I wouldn't wish this pain upon anyone. The feeling of rejection and loss is inevitable, and no matter what your ex says, nothing will take away the pain of a breakup like this. But bottom line, you will get through this. God has a plan for us all, and if you're not religious, life has a way of teaching us lessons that we never thought we needed to be taught.

I will never forget my first love and the way he made me feel, and no matter what, I'll cherish the love he showed and taught me. I thank him for teaching me so much about love, and even becoming alone again. I wish him the best, and will never forget the lessons of love and heartbreak that he taught me.

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To The Guy Who Treated Me Like Crap

In many ways, I feel bad that you could never see how amazing I am.
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Dear (insert guy's name here),

I’m sorry that I acted as your footstool for so long. You treated me terribly, and for some reason, I couldn’t see that. I only saw you as someone who liked me and wanted to be with me (at least, that’s what I thought). I was like a little puppy dog following you around, completely loving and loyal. I was always waiting for you to text me, posting Snapchat stories for the sole purpose of knowing you would see them and always hoping you would come around when I was out with my friends so I could show you off.

No matter how hard I wanted us to work out, I now realize it never would have.

You weren’t right for me because you treated me like I was your inferior. You were always talking to other girls, flirting with them, and treating me like a child. You were so selfish. Only doing what you wanted and coming around when you felt like it and taking advantage of me. You made me feel crazy when I got mad at you for all the little things. I was so caught up in you that I tried to ignore all of the signals right in front of me.

You just weren’t right for me.

I now know that the right guy for me is the one who respects me and chooses me over everyone else. The guy who never makes me feel insane for questioning something, the guy who understands when he’s done something wrong and can live with the consequences. You just simply couldn’t provide that for me. In many ways, I feel bad that you could never see how amazing I am.

While I may have been so upset when our relationship ended, it made me realize who I am and what I deserve. I deserve so much more than someone putting in 50 percent. I deserve an endless amount of respect and communication. Putting in your all for a relationship when they can’t do the same is not healthy and it’s childish. I hope someday you can find a girl that you can love infinitely but I take a lot of pride in knowing that girl won’t be me. I may be single for a really long time or I may find the one tomorrow, either way, I have so much hope that one day someone can give me their all and make me feel incredible.

For now, I’m done wasting my time on guys like you who make me feel miserable.

Sincerely,
The One Who Got Away

Cover Image Credit: Trinity Kubassek

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Thanks To The Jonas Brothers, I Never Regret Not Dating A Teenage Boy

Ya'll made it drama free.

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All thanks to three guys from New Jersey, I never regret not having a boyfriend in Middle or High School. I started listening to the Jonas Brothers when I was in 6th grade. I was awkward, I wanted to fit in simply because I was the minority in my mostly white school district. I also wanted to feel more independent since I was reaching the ripe age of 13.

Eventually, certain things came to me where I was able to gain that independence. I had no problem talking to certain adults simply because I would just be myself, and they would have absolutely no issue with it. Then came Nick, Kevin, and Joe. They already had one album out called 'It's About Time', and too contrary belief became a classic for them to date. Eventually, as they made their approach to the Disney Channel, their popularity increased more and more. Soon enough, everyone knew of them. Even if they didn't even listen to their music, they still knew about them.

I was what you called the stereotypical 'fangirl.' I was overly protective of them whenever I would hear any guy in school call them 'gay' 'ugly' or 'untalented'. In fact, I'm very thankful that social media was not as big yet. I could not imagine going off as much as I would imagine. But there were other ways to vent. I still had some of my friends relate, but even with that, a good portion of them would tell me to stop being obsessed with them. But that only allowed my obsession to grow.

Everything that they did was a news update for me. I had to keep up with them ALL the time, no matter what the condition was. I had to know what they were doing every single day. Okay, not to a point of stalking but you get the picture. My point is that no other boy mattered at the time other than them. Joe was my favorite one so I had to keep up with him the most. Especially when he was dating someone. Yes, I will admit that some of Joe's exes were not my favorite, yet I shipped the hell out of the other ones. But I will say now that as a grown woman I am no longer interfering with his relationship. I was always wondering what it would be like to even go on a date around that age.

I never went on one considering how weird teenage boys truly are. Some of them want a girlfriend simply just to have one, and others just had their hormones go all nuts. The reason why I wasn't heavy on dating during that time was simply that I was trying to focus on myself and who I truly was. I did not want to deal with any of the drama that came with a relationship because I had a lot more than I needed to worry about.

Yes, did I want a guy that I thought was hot to date me of course! But it turns out looking back on it, I'm grateful that I decided to not give him the time of day. Considering that nowadays he's not exactly the right person to be with anyway. Even in general, I'm glad I never had to worry about fighting with another girl about another guy. A total complete waste of time, and not worth sacrificing anything.

I realized that there was so much more to life than just having a guy like you. Even if you did get those weird feelings every time he was around. Also if it was the other way around where a guy liked you, and you just didn't like him back. What a complicated web the teenage years hold. But back to the Jo-Bros. I'm grateful that these guys were in my life because it distracted me from the realities of how teenage boys truly are. You know, the ones that don't sing to you and tell you-you're beautiful every five seconds.

I'm grateful for all the memories that I had with these guys, especially making endless books and PowerPoint presentations on why I loved them so much. Although I'll still keep up with them once in a blue moon, it doesn't mean that I'll forget my first love. Just because I'm not in a room where they've plastered all over the walls anymore, doesn't mean that I didn't cherish those times when I would beg my mom to get me the latest teen magazine. If they were not in it, I didn't want it! Plain and simple everyone remembers their first teen crush. But I'm grateful that these three brothers allowed me to not get distracted by the teen dating scene. Also, I think it helped out my father as well.

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