Some could argue that it is in our human nature to want to hurt someone back when they hurt us. If you’ve ever felt betrayed, used, disrespected, or just flat out heartbroken by someone, it is normal to feel even the slightest twinge of a desire to get some revenge. It is really, really hard to feel as though you’ve given a part of yourself to someone, whether that be in a friendship or a romantic relationship, and feel as though that part you gave them didn’t really matter at all. It truly is a slap in the face to feel as though you have invested part of yourself in someone only to be returned with a gesture of complete disrespect.

Especially in the past, I have felt like the best way to “get back” at the people who hurt me is to do something that I think will hurt them back. It would become this vicious cycle where the people who I struggled with in my life would constantly hurt me, then I would hurt them back, then the cycle would repeat. It was exhausting, immature, and something that I am honestly ashamed of. Growing up, I think a lot of us, especially girls, have struggled with wanting to make ourselves feel better about a painful situation by causing the ones who hurt us the same kind of pain. It is sad and I really wish we had all known from the very start that hurting people back does absolutely nothing to help us heal.

In my heart, I think that one of the best ways to tell if we’ve matured is to recognize how we choose to react when somebody hurts us. It is a true sign of maturity to be immensely hurt by someone, yet have no desire to hurt them back. Having hearts of forgiveness, strength, and still being able to have well wishes for those who hurt us is one of the best ways to check ourselves. In doing this, we are able to hold ourselves accountable for the kind of lives we are choosing to live, the kinds of relationships we prioritize and choose to cultivate, and the kinds of standards we are holding ourselves to.

Letting go of the pain that others cause us will ultimately lead us to heal faster and have the opportunity to experience true happiness. If we hold onto that hurt, resent the ones who caused it, and never allow ourselves to feel at peace, then we will be fueling the vicious cycle that I mentioned earlier. It is important to recognize the hurt we feel, but not to try and make that person feel the same type of pain. Kindness, respect, and wanting the best for absolutely everyone shows that you have a heart for Christ that is mature and willing to find healing. Instead of “getting back” at the people who hurt us, let’s show them a whole lot of love and forgiveness. Let’s empathize with why they chose to cause us pain, give them the benefit of the doubt, demonstrate patience and understanding, and let go of the weight that they have made us carry.