As millennials, our definition of dating and love has definitely changed since our parents time. Between "talking" and trying to reach the "going steady" stage as our parents use to call it, modern day relationships can be confusing. What happens if you never reach the going-steady stage? What if you are left hanging in the talking stage, waiting around for someone to decide if they like you enough to give up the rest of the world? What if that person decides to dip before you date?
As someone who has frequented this stage, getting over someone you never dated can be a little confusing and awkward. You ask yourself things like, "Am I allowed to feel this way?" or "We never dated, so it didn't count." But that is where society is so wrong. Anything you put time and attention into is worthy of an emotional response. Just because you didn't date, doesn't mean you really didn't care for them. Just because you didn't date, doesn't mean you don't deserve closure.
So here is a little list of advice/tips on how to move forward, without looking back.
1. Accept what happened.
Like most processes that deal with loss, you have to accept that they will never commit. Or accept the fact that it is OK to be upset about someone you never truly dated. There is no rule book on what qualifies as a heartbreak, and what doesn't. The first step is to erase them from your life, your dreams and future. Keeping them around in those areas is doing nothing but prolonging something that never truly was there. If they can't give you the title or assurance that you deserve, don't give them the time of day.
2. Distract yourself.
Live your life. The best revenge is a happy, full life. Distract yourself with being the best you that you can be. Surround yourself with those who make you laugh, and fill your heart with happiness. Life is too short to be wasting your time crying over someone who was a coward and ditched before things got too serious.
3. Remind yourself of what you want.
Make a vision board with all your goals, dreams, wants etc. Hang it up somewhere you can see and make it a focus to achieve those visions. Beyond self goals, making a vision of relationship goals can be really fun too. When it comes to getting over someone you never dated, this can be a moment to step back and realize why you actually did never date that person. Fix what you want, but remember you are your number one fan, and your partner should be your second.
4. Allow your emotions to be natural.
Immediately forcing yourself to get over someone is very difficult. Over time, you're going to crack. Recognize that getting your heart broke sucks, but also don't dwell on it. You also need to recognize that you are not a psychopath for crying over a person who didn't make you their boyfriend/girlfriend. We are so obsessed with NOT wanting to look crazy, that we end up looking crazy. It is natural to be a roller coaster of emotions while experiencing change or loss, but it's how we let it effect us that determines our attitude.
5. Be OK with being alone.
Being alone can be scary. But it can also help you discover who you are. If you are not comfortable with being on your own, or loving yourself without a partner, you need to take a step back and change that. No one should love you more than you love yourself. Heck, at the end of the day it truly is just you. Be happy with your life, and positive vibes will come back to you.
So in the end, it's OK the person you thought you wanted forever didn't want to date you, because one day the real love of your life will show up, and they will never second guess it.
