I wish I couldn't relate to this to topic so personally. I also wish you, did not have to be reading this for help but I am glad you did. There are different types of "toxic." Depending on who you are, toxicity can be something as simple as hurtful words or as harmful as hurtful actions. With relationships there are also different types; family, friends, acquaintances and significant others. When one or more of these relationships start to become toxic you may or may not notice it.
How to notice when it starts
Pay close attention to the insecurities in your heart and mind. At one point in my relationship I knew in my mind I was in danger but my heart was screaming so loud to never let go. I started to drown what my mind would tell me because my heart said I will never find anyone else. WRONG.
It doesn't matter how many people will tell you that something is wrong with your relationship, most people are blinded by what they think is love. All I can say is to listen to them if you haven't already. There comes a point in where more than a few people have mentioned to you that this person you are with is bad for you, you begin to believe them and you should.
Make sure you pay attention to what your mind is telling you and what people from another point of view say.
What to do when you notice it
First off, never think it's too late to get out. You are your own person, you are stronger than anyone who comes your way. In some cases you may get scared, they may threaten you but block it out. The longer you stay, the harder it is to get out. Take it from someone who stayed for too many months.
The moment you realize this person is toxic is the moment you leave. Reach out to someone you trust, a family member or best friend is the best bet. When you reach out, don't be afraid to open up. The best way to get out safely is to open up about your feelings. If you are scared, sad, terrified, confused, say it. Speak up for yourself.
Know that you WILL find someone else
I lost two people I loved because they were toxic. I lost a best friend and the person I thought was the "love of my life." It won't be easy, it will be painful. It is the type of pain that follows you around and keeps you up day and night. What I am telling you is that yes, it is going to be so hard but there is so many people on this planet. One day you will run into someone and in that moment you won't know it but that person will be the reason you don't hurt. That person will replace toxic memories with happiness. That person will replace tears of fear with tears of happiness.
No matter how impossible it seems, I promise you it isn't. It took so much willpower and strength to leave my toxic relationships but now I am overjoyed and beyond proud of myself. Once you realize that you deserve so much better your life will change for the better. So stand the hell up for yourself.
Note: This cover photo is of a happily engaged couple, this is what a happy relationship looks like.