There is a parable ascribed the Cherokee tribe called “The Parable of the Two Wolves.” It goes like this: a grandfather tells his grandson that there are two wolves inside of us which are always at war with each other. One of them is a good wolf, which represents positive qualities. The other is a bad wolf, which represents negative qualities that subtract from a complete life experience. The grandson, after considering what his grandfather said, asks, “Grandfather, which one wins? (wise kid, huh?)” The grandfather replies, “The one you feed.” These wise words are always true. I’ve witnessed quite a few showdowns within myself: conflicts between procrastination and time management, love and hate, forgiveness and unforgiveness, fear and courage, etc. These are conflicts that will continue as long as we live, but that’s not to say that we can’t be winning.

Most of us are witnessing a particular war in ourselves: the fierce conflict between positive body image and negative body image. I believe everyone was born with an encouraging, self-loving voice inside. You know, that voice that told you you could take flight if you wanted to as a child. This voice is at home in our skin and freely acknowledges our beauty, to the point of making physical appearance secondary to our humanity. However, experiences in society create a second voice, which antagonizes the first. A spiteful, nasally %#$@ that is never fully satisfied. This one has unattainable ideals and insecurities rooted in false perfectionism, hindering us from living freely. The fight between these two voices ranges in intensity, depending on the individual. Nevertheless, as we discussed, it is important to feed the voice that will produce the most positive reality. Hell, let’s supply this voice with ammo and explosives. Negative body image really should die. Here are some ways to make sure positive body image always wins:

1. Go on a media diet.

You may need a minor, temporary cleanse. You might need to live the equivalent of a vegan lifestyle when it comes to your media intake. And I don’t mean only refraining from publications that worship thigh gaps as the holy grail of beauty. In fact, every song, every television show, every Instagram account on your timeline and magazine may affect the way you feel about your appearance. For the time being, let’s assume that none of these influences are neutral in the war on body hate. That music video promotes a narrow idea of beauty. That fashion designer excludes models of certain skin tones. Those lyrics have a misogynistic message. That Tumblr account supports eating disorders. So don’t consume these messages. Everything you receive from the media is a seed planted in your psyche. You’ll reap fruits of confidence and individuality if you plant constructive seeds.

2. Check your friends.

Here is a way to test out the influence your friends are having on your perception of beauty: get everyone in front of a full body mirror together and listen to what they say about their reflection. When you do this, does it remind you of the following movie scenes?

If your friends resemble any of these people, then you probably need to reassess the company you keep. Of course, this is not to say that you should unfriend someone who is insecure about her body. No one is perfect. However, strive to band together with people whose goals are similar to yours. Personally, I want to see the beauty in myself, see the beauty in others, and see the world become a better place as a result of the love I possess. I’m not there yet, but I am nearing those aspirations because people in my life push me in that direction. Research shows that friends affect your choices, your will and the risks you’re willing to take. You must enlist moral support to resist the temptation to put your body down. You get a bonus if you don’t tolerate the people around you putting themselves down either.

3. Be a friend to your body.

Chances are, you need to make some amends to the relationship with your body before going forward. If you said something in regards to your appearance that you would never say to someone you love and respect, you owe an apology. When you build people up, you help equip them to become the person they could be. Your relationship with yourself is the same.

Next time you hear your inner voice say something negative about your appearance, just lovingly give her the compliment she’s fishing for. And do it in the way that is most meaningful to you, whether that means writing a list of things you like about your body, dancing to music that makes you feel like a baddie, or dropping a quick “hey, beautiful” when you walk by a reflective surface. It may seem strange, but you’ll come around. I met a girl last year who will hear every day that she is gorgeous, even if no one says it, because she always says it to herself. People aren’t used to hearing a woman affirm herself that way, but she feeds her self-esteem because she knows good self-perception is necessary for chasing her dreams.

4. Be a lover to your body.

Hmm, that maybe didn’t come across the way I meant it. What I mean is this: your body has served you to the best of its ability for years, so you should return the favor. Give your body what it needs to function the way it’s designed. We often feed our bodies what we lust for rather than the things that will love us back. As a result, we’ll try to make up for it in extremes. Instead, aspire to be in tune with the subtle and overt ways your body is communicating with you. When my body used to pack on weight or my face used to break out in acne, I tried my best to hush up my body’s behavior with chemicals, crazy dietary measures and stress. Little did I know, my body was acting out because of my neglectful disposition toward it. I was putting toxic things in my body, not consuming enough nutrients and allowing stress to ravage my body. When I finally made a conscious effort to be pleased with my body, it agreed wholeheartedly with the direction my new, realistic expectations were taking me in. I acquired healthy weight, skin and perception by listening to the desires of my body and following suit.

Body confidence can take effort if you are not used to maintaining it, but it is very simple. Just be kind in your words and actions. Refuse to withhold common courtesy from yourself. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it. If you foresee a given action causing harm to your body, don’t do it. Take it day by day and don’t be a fair-weather friend to yourself.