How To Talk About Your Sexual Needs With Your Partner
Swoon

6 Ways To Enhance Sexual Communication So Your Partner Actually Knows What You Want In Bed

Because closed mouths don't get fed.

142

Sometimes I get the question "What differentiates good sex from bad sex?" and I always respond saying two things: dedication and, most importantly, communication. It makes all the difference when you're with someone who doesn't put sex on the back burner, has no problem communicating their needs, and is receptive to your needs as well.

Even though that seems simple, opening up about intimate details can make people feel vulnerable, but it doesn't have to. Here are different approaches that can be used to spark conversations about what you want in bed:

The casual approach

Let's say you and your partner are in a setting that has nothing to do with the bedroom. It could be during a dinner date or just taking a stroll through the park. If you're initiating the conversation about what you like then you can bring up your desires by bringing up specific examples from shared experiences. If you're initiating a conversation to ask your partner what they enjoy in bed then you can use the same approach.

Example: "You know how I had you bent over the kitchen counter last night? Am I hitting the right spot in that angle or does it feel better to be bent over at a lower angle, like on the bed instead?"

Sometimes being in a setting outside of the bedroom helps people feel more relaxed when communicating their needs because there isn't as much pressure involved. It genuinely feels more like any average conversation you'll have.

The “Haha jk... unless?” approach

No matter how long you've been sleeping with someone, there may still be sexual acts that you're not 100 percent sure they'd be interested in doing. Besides, there are many aspects to sexuality that are still considered taboo to this day. If there's something you're curious about trying, but you're not sure how to bring it up, lighten up the mood with a bit of humor.

Example: "What if I wanted to spit in your mouth during sex haha jk... unless?"

The visual approach

If you've ever come up with a sexual idea based on inspiration from what you've seen on television, movies, or even porn, then this approach is for you. If you're watching a sexually charged movie then point out the parts you'd like to replicate or make note of the parts that remind you of the way you and your partner have sex. If you watch porn and some of your favorite videos make you think of your partner then send it to them through text one day and let them know what similarities you see between the video and your sex life.

The Reality TV judge approach

This one is simple, but not recommended for the faint at heart. Record the two of you having sex (with explicit consent beforehand, of course) and then watch the video afterward and critique it the same way a Reality TV judge from "The X Factor" or "America's Next Top Model" would give feedback to the contestants. Don't critique in a way that'll cause a heated argument, but still be honest.

Example: "You see me squinting my eyes right there? I'm not even gonna lie. It hurt a little when you played with my nipples like that. Do you mind being lighter with my boobs from now on? They're super sensitive."

And most importantly, don't forget to hype each other up! If there was a certain move that drove you crazy in the best way possible then let your partner know that.

Example: "The way that you flicked your tongue like that was PERFECT."

The mutual masturbation approach

You can tell a lot about what makes someone climax by the way they please themselves. Take the time to masturbate beside or in front of each other so you can get an idea of their sweet spots, motions, rhythms, etc. so you can mimic that when the two of you are actually having sex with each other.

Example: If one of you masturbates while lying on your stomach then have your partner place one hand right below your vulva while they're on top of you in a modified doggy position so that the residual motion of their thrusting creates friction between your vulva and their hand, therefore, stimulating your clitoris and labia in the same manner it would if you were masturbating on your stomach.

The blunt approach

Let them know exactly what you want and when you want it when you realize it. At least that way you'll never have them guessing about how things are going between the two of you sexually because you're straight to the point.

Overall, treat sexual communication of the same importance that you would with any other kind of communication. Sometimes people have a tendency to assume talking sex ruins the mood or means something is wrong, but that isn't necessarily the case. Talk to each other about the sex you're having even when it's the absolute best you've ever had and you wouldn't change a thing about. If anything, enhancing sexual communication provides more strength and intimacy to the relationship.

Follow Swoon on Instagram.

Report this Content
Health and Wellness

This Survey Shows How Quarantine And Drinking Relate, And I Can't Say I'm Surprised

"5 o'clock somewhere" is more of a guideline now than ever.

As it stands, and my friends and I are finally 21. We're extremely excited to be able to go out to bars and "get lit" as the kids say, but due to the pandemic, all of our plans have been put on hold. We'd rather wait and go when it's safe than risk spreading the infection and hurting our loved ones. So, we've all been quarantining apart, getting on the occasional wine zoom call. This made me wonder if anyone else our age were doing the same thing.

Then, I discovered this survey: We Surveyed Millennials And Gen Z About Their Quarantine Drinking Habits — Cheers. Here are 3 things that I discovered through the survey results.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

5 Easy Summer Mocktail Recipes You Can Make With Items You Probably Already Have On-Hand

Keep these drinks in mind next time you're visiting your local farmer's market — you might want to grab some extra mint and limes.

With Summer 2020 in full swing comes the addition of many fresh fruits and vegetables to brighten up your dinner plate, but also your glass! Farmers markets are my personal favorite place to look for produce that is in season to make fun mocktails with.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

5 Ways To Celebrate The 4th of July — Without Fireworks Or Social Gatherings

We created a list of things to do since social distancing may create a dent in our typical, planned traditions.

With the Fourth of July on Saturday, the usual tradition of popping fireworks, grilling out, and being surrounded by family has been modified due to the pandemic. Whether you're a loner or surrounded by family, there will most likely be some changes to your celebrations.

For weeks on social media, people across the country have been complaining that they have been subjected to fireworks going off at all times of the night into the early morning. This has sparked concern and questions about why this is happening and how are people even obtaining the fireworks.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

Carb And Cheese Lovers, Unite — These Are The Best Mac And Cheese Recipes On The Internet

Whether you need to get through the current pandemic or want to spice up your Fourth of July celebrations, these mac and cheese recipes will do just that.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BxIKdnMHcGr/

My favorite food is mac and cheese, and it always has been. All it requires is noodles and cheese — it's so simple to make. Although it's my favorite, it can also get kind of mundane because it's such a simple recipe. This, of course, has led to many people all over the world experimenting with the American staple.

With our lives currently being turned upside down due to the pandemic, a lot of people are seeking comfort. These are scary times, and in order to make it day-to-day, we need to have our favorite foods as a standby. These recipes can also be used during your celebration of the Fourth of July.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

17 Things To Make You Feel GOOD This Week

Because some purchases are just necessary.

Y'all, we're struggling. You don't even have to tell me, I know. What a mess we're all in, right? This year is not going how we planned and the world has turned into one giant struggle bus. I guess you could be super philosophical about everything happening for a reason, but sometimes life is just hard.

There are plenty of ways to bring yourself out of whatever rut you're in. You could go for a run, have a snack, or read a book. Or, if you're really looking for an adrenaline rush, go shopping. This is obviously not going to solve the world's problems with one swift click of the "checkout" button, but hey, it may just give you the little boost you need today.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

I Wore A Butt Mask Every Day For A Month, And It's Officially Essential In My Daily Self-Love Routine Now

Thirty days later, my booty's as smooth as a baby's.

- Blissfully unaware that butt-care beyond squats was even something I should be considering in my self-care routine, I tried one of Bawdy Beauty's butt masks for the first time a month ago.

- I've never really given my butt a second though till I took a look at improvements that could be made with the mask — if one of the hydrating, firming, detoxifying, or brightening masks in the kit I received could either smooth out cellulite or tone my skin a bit more, I wasn't going to complain.

- Each Bawdy Beauty sheet mask comes in an individually-packaged sheet, soaked with a serum I massaged into my skin after removing said sheet. The clay butt mask comes in a convenient stick format I simply draw on to my skin and leave to set for about 10 minutes before hopping into the shower.

- I set a goal of committing myself to butt-care every day for one month. Between the regular use of sheet masks, clay masks, and their CBD Butt Balm in between, I didn't have many expectations.

- I thought the whole concept may just be a gimmick, but my butt has never looked so toned in my life, and the cellulite I had is almost completely gone. I wear one every single day when I get the chance.

I'm incredibly skeptical when it comes to marketing ploys and gimmicks in the beauty world. I'll be the first cynic to try out the latest serum on the market every influencer is raving about just to negate every grandiose claim it makes.

Keep Reading... Show less

Friends, you don't have to be quarantined to use a personal massager, you know? Because, sure, quarantine made for a lot of extra quality time with yourself, but no matter what phase of the reopening process you're in, it's normal and actually healthy to take care of your sexual needs on your own.

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

5 Books I Didn't Realize Are About Gay Women

If you read primarily LGBTQ fiction, then this list might help to expand your TBR list.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

Frequent readers of LGBTQ fiction might feel like they're reading the same book over and over again, with few exceptions.

Most of these books were on my TBR list for months and I didn't realize they were about gay women until I was reading them, hopefully, this list of books can interest you in expanding your reading material and seeking out different stories.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments