How To Talk About Your Sexual Needs With Your Partner
Start writing a post
Swoon

6 Ways To Enhance Sexual Communication So Your Partner Actually Knows What You Want In Bed

Because closed mouths don't get fed.

230
6 Ways To Enhance Sexual Communication So Your Partner Actually Knows What You Want In Bed

Sometimes I get the question "What differentiates good sex from bad sex?" and I always respond saying two things: dedication and, most importantly, communication. It makes all the difference when you're with someone who doesn't put sex on the back burner, has no problem communicating their needs, and is receptive to your needs as well.

Even though that seems simple, opening up about intimate details can make people feel vulnerable, but it doesn't have to. Here are different approaches that can be used to spark conversations about what you want in bed:

The casual approach

Let's say you and your partner are in a setting that has nothing to do with the bedroom. It could be during a dinner date or just taking a stroll through the park. If you're initiating the conversation about what you like then you can bring up your desires by bringing up specific examples from shared experiences. If you're initiating a conversation to ask your partner what they enjoy in bed then you can use the same approach.

Example: "You know how I had you bent over the kitchen counter last night? Am I hitting the right spot in that angle or does it feel better to be bent over at a lower angle, like on the bed instead?"

Sometimes being in a setting outside of the bedroom helps people feel more relaxed when communicating their needs because there isn't as much pressure involved. It genuinely feels more like any average conversation you'll have.

The “Haha jk... unless?” approach

No matter how long you've been sleeping with someone, there may still be sexual acts that you're not 100 percent sure they'd be interested in doing. Besides, there are many aspects to sexuality that are still considered taboo to this day. If there's something you're curious about trying, but you're not sure how to bring it up, lighten up the mood with a bit of humor.

Example: "What if I wanted to spit in your mouth during sex haha jk... unless?"

The visual approach

If you've ever come up with a sexual idea based on inspiration from what you've seen on television, movies, or even porn, then this approach is for you. If you're watching a sexually charged movie then point out the parts you'd like to replicate or make note of the parts that remind you of the way you and your partner have sex. If you watch porn and some of your favorite videos make you think of your partner then send it to them through text one day and let them know what similarities you see between the video and your sex life.

The Reality TV judge approach

This one is simple, but not recommended for the faint at heart. Record the two of you having sex (with explicit consent beforehand, of course) and then watch the video afterward and critique it the same way a Reality TV judge from "The X Factor" or "America's Next Top Model" would give feedback to the contestants. Don't critique in a way that'll cause a heated argument, but still be honest.

Example: "You see me squinting my eyes right there? I'm not even gonna lie. It hurt a little when you played with my nipples like that. Do you mind being lighter with my boobs from now on? They're super sensitive."

And most importantly, don't forget to hype each other up! If there was a certain move that drove you crazy in the best way possible then let your partner know that.

Example: "The way that you flicked your tongue like that was PERFECT."

The mutual masturbation approach

You can tell a lot about what makes someone climax by the way they please themselves. Take the time to masturbate beside or in front of each other so you can get an idea of their sweet spots, motions, rhythms, etc. so you can mimic that when the two of you are actually having sex with each other.

Example: If one of you masturbates while lying on your stomach then have your partner place one hand right below your vulva while they're on top of you in a modified doggy position so that the residual motion of their thrusting creates friction between your vulva and their hand, therefore, stimulating your clitoris and labia in the same manner it would if you were masturbating on your stomach.

The blunt approach

Let them know exactly what you want and when you want it when you realize it. At least that way you'll never have them guessing about how things are going between the two of you sexually because you're straight to the point.

Overall, treat sexual communication of the same importance that you would with any other kind of communication. Sometimes people have a tendency to assume talking sex ruins the mood or means something is wrong, but that isn't necessarily the case. Talk to each other about the sex you're having even when it's the absolute best you've ever had and you wouldn't change a thing about. If anything, enhancing sexual communication provides more strength and intimacy to the relationship.

Follow Swoon on Instagram.

Report this Content
Featured

Leaving My Backpack In The Library

Views about society and the stranger sitting right across from me

21777
https://unsplash.com/photos/O0T1SIgHAfM

As a college student, my backpack is an extension of myself in many ways. It contains my notes, pens, and computer vital for my success in college. It contains the snacks and water bottle I need to survive long days on campus. It also contains the "in-case" items that help put my mind at rest if I forgot something from home: extra hair ties, masks, and that backup-backup snack. With so much in my backpack important to me and my life on campus, it is no wonder that I can get apprehensive about it when it is not with me or in my line of sight. And that makes me wonder.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

5 Cool Gadgets To Make Your Car Smart

Don't let this stop you from making your car smart. You can change the one you have using smart gadgets that transform your car into a smart car.

91119

Cars are no longer just a mode of transport, where you only worry about the engine and how beautiful its interior is. These days, everyone wants to make their cars smarter, those with advanced technology systems. It makes sense for several reasons. It can make your vehicle more efficient and safer when you need to drive.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

The Inevitable Truth of Loss

You're going to be okay.

117255

As we humans face loss and grief on a daily basis, it's challenging to see the good in all the change. Here's a better perspective on how we can deal with this inevitable feeling and why it could help us grow.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

'Venom: Let There Be Carnage' Film Review

Tom Hardy and Woody Harrelson lead a tigher, more fun sequel to 2018's 'Venom'

98744
Photo Credit: Sony Pictures Entertainment – YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FmWuCgJmxo

When Sony announced that Venom would be getting a stand-alone movie, outside of the Tom Holland MCU Spider-Man films, and intended to start its own separate shared universe of films, the reactions were generally not that kind. Even if Tom Hardy was going to take on the role, why would you take Venom, so intrinsically connected to Spider-Man's comic book roots, and remove all of that for cheap action spectacle?

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

'The Addams Family 2' Film Review

The sequel to the 2019 reboot is an enjoyable, but unremarkable start to the Halloween movie season

63416
Photo Credit: MGM – YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kd82bSBDE84

There's a reason why the Addams Family have become icons of the American cartoon pantheon (although having one of the catchiest theme songs in television history doesn't hinder them).

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments