How To Destroy A Monster Without Becoming One

How To Destroy A Monster Without Becoming One

How to save yourself from a heartbreak, sort of.


During the dazzling teenage years of your life, you will occasionally run into these creatures that make you undergo all sorts of unusual discussions with yourself. You will find yourself arguing about how convinced you are that this monster is plotting to take over you, then later realize you've been talking to yourself about this for the past five minutes. You'll notice your body temperature rise and fall when "it" crawls in the room along with the pace of your thrilled heart growing at abnormal beats. Your hands will strain from pulling patches of hair off your scalp and your perplexed brain will loose communication connection to your frazzled heart. But cry no more! Follow these simple steps to save yourself from a heartbreak whilst getting rid of a filthy cockroach in your life.

1. Identify the Monster.

These creatures come in a variety of shapes and sizes, but most will have a blooming pair of eyes and a devilish smile to match. Do not let their curious hands explore the wonderland of your innocent body; their vile hands shouldn't touch a holy temple. They will whisper pretty things into your ears and convince you they can give you the world when they can't even name half the states in the U.S. If you find yourself stuck in a situation where temptation to cave into the devious tricks of this monster kicks in, think to yourself, "what would Beyoncé do?" Beyoncé is your spirit animal; do not let her down.

2. Study Yourself.

Learn your habits; learn your strengths; learn your weaknesses. Self-knowledge is vital. Memorize your flaws and continue to convince yourself that you are beautiful. You can sit there and try to believe you wake up flawless, but we all know we all look like walking disasters in the morning. Be the beautiful disaster you are.

3. Accept.

By now, you've tried to avoid any interaction with this hideously handsome creature, but "it" always comes back right around to curl its arms around you and weaken you at your knees. Your willpower just wasn't enough to keep yourself from making your way towards him. But jokes on you; accept the fact that you are helplessly in love. Let it happen, and embrace it. Being in love is the best and worst thing to happen to a teenage girl, but don't worry, Beyoncé is still proud of you for trying, you monster.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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