It's here. Either the worst or best day of the year, all depending on you romantic life. In the spirit of hating Valentine's Day this year (who's with me, am I right), I am here to give you updated uses for the common "day of love" entities.
1. Chocolate
Forget giving away these gems as a present. Get in bed, turn on "Valentine's Day" (the movie), and eat as much chocolate as you want. Bonus points if you throw a piece at the screen every time someone kisses.
2. The Color Pink
For a date-night dress? Absolutely not. Throw on a pink crop top, call up your single ladies, and hit the town to forget your V-Day loneliness.
3. Saint Valentine
He looks like a party animal. Call up ol' Saint Val and ask if he wants to hang out with you and the friends from No. 2.
4. Roses
Buy some just to throw the little sh*ts away. Such a waste of money. Why would you buy someone a gift that will die? I'll never understand.
5. Romantic Comedies
Drinking game: Shots for every time they break up and get back together.
6. Cards
Make one for you best friend that is slightly offensive with a joke that you know only she'll appreciate.
7. Cupid
If you see that little devil, give him a quick kick in the ass for leaving you out this year.
8. Date Night
Take a fun twist on the average date night, and go by yourself. Buy yourself a nice dinner, eat dessert, maybe even watch a movie, because you deserve it. Love yourself first, and the rest will follow suit.
9. Couples
Shameless plug: You are completely allowed to roll your eyes, cough loudly over their conversations, even trip them while they're frolicking about holding hands. Ugh, we get it, you're sooo in love.
10. Marvin Gaye Songs
Oh, you thought the drinking games have ended, right? Nope. For this one, shots for every time he carries a note for too long, and a following shot for every time your drunk best friend yells "let's get it on!"
11. Instagram Couple Pictures
Wow, do you really love him that much?! Was it really necessary to write two paragraphs as a caption explaining your deep desire for this boy you met three months ago? The only tip I have for the obnoxious pictures is to stay away from IG on V-Day, or unfollow everyone who gets annoying. That's my favorite solution.
P.S. No one really does this.^
12. Pictures of Presents
We don't want to see your sh*t.
13. Your Friends in Relationships
I know you're supposed to be happy for them, but in reality, you're low-key bitter and jealous. Try your hardest not to bluntly seem annoyed, and if possible, avoid them as much as you can.
Single girls, unite -- we got this.
