Picture this: you being thrust into a room full of people you have never seen before. Your palms immediately begin to sweat, and your walk is no longer as confident as before you walked into the room. You scan the room in hopes of finding a familiar a face but all you see is your vision dimming as your mind races to catch up with your amped level anxiety. In your mind there are a thousand scenarios playing out of how things could possibly go wrong in the next 10 seconds. Here's the kicker — this one particular event is one that could possibly determine your employment status after your graduate. All in all, this is the kind of situation, that if you suffer from any kind of social anxiety, could put you on edge.
What I just described to you is own my particular brand of worst nightmare. It is the kind of events I wish I could avoid but are necessary for my growth as a human being.
Depending on how much you suffer from having to deal with social events or interacting with others on a daily basis, there are few things that can help you deal with social anxiety. I've been there. I've been there many times. It has taken me years to be comfortable, to a certain degree, in various public forums and actually participate. Whether it be having to deal with picking a partner in a room full of strangers to having to call the dentist's office to make your appointments after having your mother do it for several years. You know who you are, and you know exactly of what I'm talking about.
So, for those of you who know that at any given social situation your internal self would simply be screaming for 10 consecutive minutes at having to deal with your anxiety, here's a few tips on how to manage:
1, Keep Eye Contact
It may seem that would not be the most favorable thing to do but trust me, it works. It is much more soothing to keep eye contact with the person you are speaking with — that way you have a focus. Having a focus keeps you calm, and it allows you speak coherently without rambling. This works especially great during work/internship interviews.
2. Swimming Buddy
If you can find someone to go with you to any form of social function, bring them. Slowly acclimate to going by yourself. Don't do it all at one time because you'll either sink or swim (more than likely the first couple of times it will be sink — OK, I am done dragging this swimming metaphor) Have someone who knows you be there by your side, sort of like a wing man but for important social events.
3. Tool of the Trade
Whenever I felt like I couldn't breath or my legs were shaking so bad because my anxiety simply overwhelmed me, I would grab the hair tie in my wrist and flick it a couple of times. This gave me a little distraction and let me breath in order to calm myself down. Sort of like having a little mantra, except with a hair tie or rubber band. (Just, don't do it too hard or too often.)
It is hard. I know my post tends to be a little sarcastic but that's because in a moment of stress and anxiety, I tend to revert to jokes in order to cope. This is also extremely helpful. Whenever I have to put myself out there, I imagine outrageous scenarios in my mind that soothe me in a large crowd.
What I can say is this: People are not often thinking about what you said or did as often as you think they do. I know what it is to say or do something in front of others and still think about it six months later and crumble in embarrassment thinking they still remember that same event as you did. It is the worst. Simple as that. I have come to understand that people often forget it the very next day. Also, getting out there and being sociable does pay off in the long run. I have missed out on several meaningful relationships in my past because I could not cope with having to actually go and strike up a conversation with someone I don't know.
However, your crippling social anxiety will remain with you but that does not mean it is not manageable. There are ways to deal with this. It can be hard, but it's worth it. I promise.
