Buying a used car is one of the hallmarks of being alive, and can be both an exhilarating and arousing experience. However, those big, scary car salesman are always trying to nickel and dime you out of a great deal, the rats! Because of this, many people fail to go through the necessary checks to truly identify the quality of the vehicle, and walk out of the dealership with a real lemon of a ride. Next time you're in the market for a used car, follow these quick and easy steps to ensure that you get the best bang for your buck, and keep those salesmen at bay.
1. Kick The Tires A Little
You can tell a lot about a car by gently kicking the tires. I mean, that's what makes the car go front and back, you know? Let me tell you, if you kick one of those bad boys and it just pops right off, well, you should probably find someone that knows how to put it back on, cause I sure don't.
2. Squat Down and Check The Fender / Bumper
Ah, the ol' fender / bumper check. You gotta make sure those guys and gals are good to go, smooth as a baby's bottom. I mean, they're probably not selling you a car with dents in it, but I'm going to be honest, I don't know a whole lot about cars, and the salesman is making me really antsy right now. Does he know how ignorant I am?
3. Slowly Pass Your Hand Over The Hood
Really just take the whole thing in, make sure you can see yourself driving this bad boy down the road. Also, make sure you're keeping an eye on the salesman. They can smell fear you know. I think he's starting to realize that I don't know anything about cars. Should I kick the tires again? Would that be too obvious? Oh God he's checking his watch. What should I do?
4. Kick The Tires One More Time
That felt like the right thing to do, but I'm just about out of options here. The salesman keeps asking me if I like it, or if I want to sit down and talk numbers. He said something about the flywheel being misaligned? Or the spider gears? Did he make those words up? Why do I know nothing about a $3,000 purchase but I wait until Black Friday to buy TVs?
5. Haggle Down the Price
Holy smokes $8,000?! I was way off the mark! This thing is crazy expensive! Ok, ok, calm down, play it cool. Maybe you can talk your way down from this. Ask him if maybe $6,000 works. Yeah that sounds pretty fair.
6. Enjoy Your New Used Car!
Ok, so $6,000 wasn't what he was thinking, he was definitely more around the $8,000 range. He did say that the rattling noise would stop in the winter, but he also said that's when the screeching would start. Jokes on him though, he said I get free car washes for life now at the dealership! At $9 a pop, it's only going to take me 888.888888889 washes to equal the value of the car! And that, dear reader, is how to stick it to the car salesman.
