Step One: Spend more time alone
When you are with other people you are constantly compromising your desires with theirs, which can limit how much you listen to yourself and how much you do what you want to do. Let me take you through an example, think about going to into the city with a group of your friends, you may start by asking what everyone is wearing and comparing your planned outfit to theirs. No one else is wearing a dress, so you change. You then may compromise on the time you leave. You'd rather leave early but Jess has work until 3 p.m., so you have to leave later. Once you get into the city you have to compromise on the restaurant because Alex is on a diet. Then, even though you were dying to see the aquarium, you and your friends ended up going to a museum because you were outvoted by the group. Sound familiar? While these compromises won't kill you and you may still have a great time, you could have a great time by yourself as well, making your own choices. When you go on outings by yourself you are forced to make independent decisions based on your own preferences and the more you learn what you love, the more you can make future decisions that you know suit you, ensuring you'll have a positive experience.
From a young age, we are told who we are. It may be dependent on your race, gender, religion, etc. While some stereotypes may have some truth to them and you may fit into a few that are commonly associated with your identity, it is important to challenge them as well. Broaden your horizons, do things that challenge the societal norm and you may find that you may like these better. For example, if you identify as a woman, maybe try checking out the men's section next time you go shopping, you may find some cool things that you wouldn't have found had you stayed in "your section." Not only should you challenge your stereotype but also challenge the identity you have created for yourself. You're personality type you subscribe to can be just limiting as your exterior identity. Think about those personality test you took when you were younger that would tell you whether you're a free spirit or more of a structured person or whether you're more of an introvert or more of an extrovert? It's easy to be caught up in that label as well. For example, I know that I have more of a hippie, free spirit mentality and its easy feel like I need to stay true to that at all times which may mean being spontaneous and going where the wind takes me. But through getting to know myself, I've learned that I actually more structure/scheduling than you might expect from someone with my personality type. Also, remember that you can and will change over time. I may enjoy more structure now than I will as I grow older, so it's important to notice these changes and adapt as your personality changes.
Step 3: Plan for Challenges
This may be the most important part of knowing who you are. How you deal with challenges and complex situations. Life throws a few curveballs and knowing yourself can help you get past them without the blink of an eye. Start by reflecting on your past challenges, what have you been through? How did you handle the situation? How could you have done it better? Is this a reoccurring issue? Let's use the example of feeling really low one day. What do you typically do when you're not feeling your best? I urge you to try new ways to cheer yourself up. If you typically lay in bed, try going to the gym for an hour and see how that makes you feel, compare the results. If you typically try and keep busy to keep your mind off of the situation, try taking time to relax instead, compare the results. Knowing whats best in that situation will help you the next time you're not feeling your best.
