Sitting down to watch "How to Be Single," I thought I was just in for a funny comedy to lift my spirits. I mean, come on, Rebel Wilson is in it. By the end of the movie, I had cried about six times. My roommate stared in concern at me half the time due to my heavy sobbing. The movie wasn’t a sad romance movie, but it opened my eyes to a lot more than I was prepared for. It hit me so hard that tears came out.
In the movie, Rebel’s character talked about how the main chick always fell in guys’ “dicksand.” She would get so sucked into them and lose who she really was for them. After she said that, I realized I was getting trapped into this “dicksand.” I have chased boys so long and passionately in the past that when I go through periods of not liking a guy, I don’t know who I am. I have never been in a relationship, but I do know what it is like to sacrifice your whole identity in hopes a guy will like you.
Being in college, we are pushed to find our identity. But I still don’t really know who I am. I go out with friends on the weekends when I am finally free from homework and my job, and we are all ready to let loose and talk to some hotties. Once I get out, I find myself laughing a little louder or pulling my shirt a little lower in hopes that a guy will talk to me. If one doesn’t, I realize I feel so defeated.
The movie made me realize I shouldn’t feel defeated. I shouldn’t morph into a different personality for every guy I like. I should enjoy being single and unattached. I should cherish the moments I have to myself and use them to grow and learn. I should go out and feel free and dance how I want. No guy should affect the way I sing, talk, laugh, and interact with the world. And if I do decide to get with a guy, it shouldn’t be to fill a hole. It shouldn’t be to make me feel like a worthy girl. It should be when I feel good enough to not let him define me.
On the other side, we shouldn’t become so hard-hearted and stubborn that we don’t let anyone in. There have been points where guys have reached out, and I immediately push them away because of bad past experiences with men. I have become so shut down and opposed to the idea of pure intimacy and love. I see couples on dates and laugh at the idea of true love. The past has pushed me to build a wall around my heart. It’s a wall I need to start knocking down.
So don’t focus on the past or future when you are single. Don’t worry about ending up alone or what that asshole did to you five years ago. Live in the moment and cherish yourself. Go do something you have always wanted to do. Learn a new skill. Go out and eat alone. I’m trying to, and so far, I have found it very rewarding.
