With the recent tragedy in Orlando, many individuals have been flocking to social media to voice their condolences and support for the LGBTQIA community. But sadly, not all of the support has been so conducive to the mourning process. There have been many articles and social media posts telling us, LGBTQIA folk, what we need to do, how we can prevent these types of attacks, and who we should vote for and support. And then there are others just carelessly disassociating our queer and/or trans identities from the situation and redefining the tragedy to be an attack on all U.S. citizens.
Stop.
If this is what you call allyship, then we don’t want it.
We are tired of having our lives politicized in every way possible, and then suddenly having our deaths depoliticized so that certain religious group members (who otherwise advocate against our rights and concerns) can feel good about mourning the “American” victims without having to recognize our LGBTQIA identities. It’s simply monstrous. Our American identity isn't considered when we are walking down the street holding a significant other's hand and someone yells out derogatory slurs at us. Our American identity isn't considered when we have to fight for access to bathrooms. Our American identity isn't considered when policies are created to legally discriminate against us. So why is it that American identity suddenly becomes so important when mourning the deaths of these victims?
We, among all people, do not live our lives through just one identity. We have a variety of different intersecting identities as queer and/or trans people that contribute to our lived experiences.
So with that being said, here are some tips on how to actually be supportive as an ally.
Lift up our voices
Let us speak. We have voices and we want them to be heard. Our voices are often overlooked and drowning out our concerns with your own opinions is not what a good ally does. A true ally will recognize their privilege and choose to uplift the voices of the oppressed.
Get informed
Yes, we know that there are a lot of terms and acronyms that not everyone might know about. But did you really think a handful of terms could possibly describe the billions of people on this planet? Nonetheless, being informed is extremely important as an ally. It’s hard to see someone as an ally when they are constantly misgendering people, for example. (Pro tip: Never assume someone’s identity. Always ask.) If you do not know something, ask. You can also review this glossary of frequently used terms in order to prevent a possibly embarrassing or harmful moment.
Be a listener
Open your heart and ears. Close your mouth. You can never listen too much, but you can talk too much. The best way to hear what the LGBTQIA community is saying is by listening to us. Once you have listened, we encourage you to share your voice. But allies can never listen too much to the people that they are allies with, as there is always something new to learn.
Talk about issues
When someone you know is saying or doing something harmful towards the LGBTQIA community, stand up to them and challenge their thinking. We cannot reach everyone by ourselves, and sometimes it just isn’t safe. You can be a good ally by uplifting our voices and facing up against injustice and oppression.
Quit telling us what’s best for us
I’m sorry, I didn’t know your life as a straight cisgender white male meant you knew everything about the lived experiences of a black transgender woman. Oh wait, you don’t! (And to check my own privilege, neither do I!) So stop telling us what’s best and pinkwashing our existence for some economical profit.
Involve yourself
Volunteer your time with queer and trans friendly organizations. Raise money for charities that go towards the disproportionate amount of homeless trans and queer youth. Get involved with the positive change that we wish to see in the world.
Accept us
We are people and we deserve respect.
For more tips and information on how to be a better ally, please visit University of California, Davis’ LGBTQIA Resource Center.
