Sexual abuse affects people in so many ways throughout their lives, especially when it comes to starting new relationships. Sexual abuse traumatizes you beyond comprehension.

It's amazing that someone who has been through that can ever love again at all. Though we can find love and express our love, it isn't always easy.

It's actually super hard.

I can’t look you in the eyes and trust everything you say to me, I’ve been betrayed too much before to ever trust another soul.

I can’t love you unconditionally because I need structure.

I will get scared and probably won’t believe you when you say you love me because that’s what he said.

When you go to touch me I will flinch because someone else’s hands weren’t so gentle.

When you kiss me I will get short because I can’t handle someone else getting in my face.

I won’t want to cuddle all the time, I really need space.

I will get emotional so much easier than I should because any little thing can bring me right back to that moment.

I will need constant reassurance that you truly love me.

I can’t be your typical, happy and affectionate girlfriend all the time--I get sad too.

I won’t be silenced, for I have been silent for too long.

I will be loud and speak my mind.

I will get so angry at you,

But you’ll never find someone who loves you more than I do.

I will love you endlessly.

I will be there to dry your eyes because I know what it's like to suffer.

I will always listen to you.

I will let you in eventually.

I will make you love like you never thought possible.

I will always put you first.

I can’t be ‘fixed.’

I am too damaged to ever be fully healed.

But I can grow and improve.

Don’t think you can’t help because surely you can.

Give me space when I ask for it.

Always accept “no” as an answer when I say it.

Respect me and my wishes.

Be there to remind me that you are, in fact, there for me.

Hold my hands, and wipe my tears when I need it.

Push me to keep fighting.

You don’t have to understand me because you probably never will.

But listen.

I will be your biggest pain and your truest love.

I am not like others…

I am a sexual abuse survivor.

I will be a lot of work and time,

But I promise you,

I am worth it.

* * *

SEE ALSO: What To Say When Someone Tells You They've Been Sexually Assaulted