Society has moved leaps and bounds in terms of learning about mental illness. It has been a hot topic in the media, on college campuses, and through publication. Although this is true, there is still a lot of progress that needs to be made. It is easy to say, "Yeah I support people with mental illnesses." It is harder to actually do it. Mental illness is a complex concept and topic. Not only are there many different disorders, but there are some disorders glorified over others.

Until I went through it myself, I believed there was a lot of knowledge and understanding of mental illness. I will not sugar coat it, it is really hard to support someone with an invisible illness. Not every person suffering has the same needs. What a friend believes a person needs could be the complete opposite of what they actually need.

Listen, Listen, Listen!

Listening is one of the most important actions a person can take. Hear where they are coming from and don't interrupt. Talking honestly about a mental illness or trauma is hard. It is an honor if someone opens up about such a personal and vulnerable experience. Be honored if someone comes to you to talk. Not only does it take courage to open up, but it means they trust you a lot and they are reaching out for help. It is possible a loved one does not have a large support system. Make sure a loved one knows you are a safe person to talk to and that you are a reliable person for them to lean on. One of the worst things that can happen is for a person with a mental illness to have no support system. When this happens, serious problems and situations can occur. Not only is the person isolated, but the person can often feel helpless. Mental illness is a battle to be fought together - not alone.

Offer a Safe Place

Make sure a loved one has a safe place to go when things get hard. If they are having an episode, offer going somehwere to get there mind off of things. Watch a funny movie, go for a walk, go to the mall, get dinner - anything. Sometimes the person needs space and to clear their mind. In an negative environment, a loved one may not be able to get to their safe place alone. Offer them a safe place to be until they have a clearer mind.

Watch for Warning Signs

When someone is not in a stable mental state, a person can say scary things. As scary as it might sound, try to focus and realize these are warning signs. It can actually be a good thing and mean the person does not want to end or harm their life. If a loved one threatens to harm themselves, it means they want help. If this happens, make sure they are not alone. Help them make an action plan. Offer to go with them to get additional help. Help find resources. Let them know they have lots of resources. Tell them it is okay to need help. The hospitalization and therapy programs are there for a reason. Even if you might see more clearly what the person needs than the person themselves, don't overwhelm them or say comments which could be interpreted negatlively. A person can be extra sensitive in an unstable mental state. A way to avoid saying the wrong things is to stay away from sentences including "you." Make "we" statements instead. Let them know the steps for help will not be taken alone. Baby steps are better than no steps. If a person is not ready to go to a hospital - accept that. If a person is moving forward, they will accept it in given time. If you notice these warning signs, inform their loved ones. A person with a mental illness in an unstable mental state may be too scared too too embarrassed, or worried to do it themselves. It takes a team to make things happen.

It is okay if it is too Much

It is okay if a person's unstable mental state is too much to handle. It does not mean you do not care. Remember you are a person with needs and problems too. If you don't take care of yourself, there is no way you can help someone else. Let the person know you love them - and show it. If a person going through a crisis becomes too much, let them know you want to be there for them, but you are having a hard time balancing their needs and your own needs. Tell them you don't want to dissapoint them and do the wrong thing. Let them know YOU have to be healthy in order to also be a support system. This is a nice way of saying you care, but you can't support them all by yourself. If you have to have this conversation, do not leave the person hanging. Make sure they have someone to lean on before taking a step back from the relationship. If you need space - that's okay. If you still want to be involved, but not hands on - that's okay. Find the balance that works for you. Never say something out of frustration to someone in an unstable mental state. Never flat out say - "this is too much." The last thing you want someone to feel during this time is alone. They reached out to you because they can't support themselves anymore. You do not want them to feel hopeless. This again could result in negative consequences - not only for yourself, but the person in need.

Educate Yourself

You may have depression, anxiety, an eating disorder... Etc. You may think you know it all - all the answers, all the situations, everything. Well, this could not be further from the truth. Everyone has different needs and this is ultimately what it comes down to. What worked for you may not work for a loved one. Educate yourself about the disorder or the symptoms a person is experiencing. Again, what you think is best may be the complete opposite.

Be Open Minded

Again, I won't sugar coat it. Supporting someone with a mental illness going through a difficult time is hard. A mental illness also does not define a person. It explains the characteristics a person may possess, and it offers an explaination for specific behaviors. Understand an "episode" also does not define a person. If you experience a break down, help the person calm down and go to a safe space. Know they are loved and they can be in control of their life. Help them find the accomodating coping skills. Again never be negative or act out of frustration when a person is experiencing an episode. Be positive. It might be hard but look for something positive to say always. What is important is helping the person through the rough patch to get to a safe place. They are very capable of success and happiness. You need to example this.

Give Lots of Hugs

Okay, I know some people do not like hugs... But offer them. It is proven that hugs boost a person's mood. By offering, you are showing you care. You are offering support and comfort. Hugs let a person know they are not alone. I love hugs!

Ask Genuinely, "How are you today?"

A lot of people ask, "how are you?" but don't really mean it. Well stop asking out of social expectation - mean what you say. Most people don't go out of their way to genuinely ask this question. It is beyond refreshing to know someone is invested in your life and well being. Be prepared - you may hear an answer you don't want to hear. If this happens, ask the person more. DO NOT just walk away or shrug it off. You don't know what someone is going through or how they feel. The last thing you want to do is further the person's isolation and make them feel hopeless. It is brave for someone to honeslty say no. Respect this and honor it.

If Someone Convides in You Keep it that Way

If someone is threatening to harm or end their life, tell a professional and a loved one's family. Although this is a tricky personal situation, you want to make sure a person will be in a safe place free of self harm. On the other hand, DO NOT tell other friends of the loved one or honestly anyone else besides a professional or close family member. This is not your story to tell. It is personal and vulnerable. Let the person convide in their support system. It is important to make sure this person is in a safe place free of harm, but telling the wrong person can make a loved one feel much worse. There could be a very good reason why a person with a mental illness did not tell certain people. If you think it would be benefital to tell another friend, let the person with the mental illness know. It is ultimately their decision.

Be the Bigger Person

As much as you want a person with a mental illness to be fun and who they used to be, you need to realize they are sick. They are going through a hard time. There may be difficult situations. They may not be a blast to be around all the time. They might change. That is okay. You cannot make someone with a mental illness feel badly. They cannot help it. It is important at this time to focus on the positive. Are they trying to move forward? If they are reaching out to you, the answer is yes. This is something to be very proud of. There are some people incapable of reaching out during a flair up. Be amazed that a loved one has the strength to move forward despite the hard ships they are experiencing. Again - you do not understand what they are personally experiencing. You can only sympathize and provide support.

Say Sorry

Did you do something offensive? You may not have meant it. You might not understand why the other party is hurt. Say sorry anyway. Again - you do NOT know personally what a person is going through or experiencing. They could be extra sensitive. Listen to why they were offended. They may be interpreting asituation you did not even mean. Saying sorry does not mean you have to blame yourself - espeically if it was a misundersanding. Sorry means you want to move forward, and you want to be supportive of the person in the future. You are learning how to talk to someone with a mental illness just as they are learning healthy ways to cope. It is okay to make mistakes - WE ARE HUMAN. Saying sorry will make everyone feel better. So just do it!

Mental health is complex. It is hard to understand someone going through a flair up. Mental well-being is vital. If someone is off and not behaving as normal, they are most likely going through a difficult time. Let that person know that you care. The smallest gesture can go a long way. Something you thought was no big deal could have meant the world to someone in an unstable mental state. I will be forever thankful for the people who stood by me no matter what. Those are special beautiful people. They will always hold a dear place in my heart.