Flashback: attention seeking freshman, too consumed in herself and too reliant on other people's approval.
I'm not proud of who I was last year. I would do anything for attention to the point of being obnoxious. The louder I was, the more people that would turn around and look at me. The more opinionated I was, the more I could get a reaction out of everyone listening to the conversation.
I started going to the gym freshman year when I was no longer relying on tennis for exercise, but I didn't get serious about it until this past May. Over the summer, something clicked. I started seeing changes in my body, felt healthier, and felt stronger. I was taught to deadlift, taught a more proper squat form, and dabbled in the bench press but was still more focused on how I looked than how I felt or my strength.
Soon enough, I made friends with a few of the frequenters of my gym back home and my goals started to change. They encouraged me to lift for my own personal right reasons (everyone's are different): to be happy, to be healthy, and to be strong. Food became fuel and not the enemy. Lifting because guys thought it was "hot" was no longer on my mind in the least.
I had finally found something I was good at, and adding plates onto a barbell was more satisfying than any attention I could get elsewhere.
Don't get me wrong, I still like attention -- but now I don't need it. It's nice to be recognized, but what's more important is growing in the person that you aspire to be and noticing personal progress for yourself along the way. Wrapping up my self-worth and finding my identity in what other people thought of me was toxic and fickle. You can never rely on people to tell you exactly what you want to hear or behave exactly how you need them too regardless of whether or not you're close to them. Leaning on approval will always fail you, and you'll be on a roller coaster until you break the habit.
If you're a frequenter of the temple of iron, if you're a PR junkie, if you've ever competed in a powerlifting competition even once, you know that this hobby is more of a lifestyle. I'm so appreciative that God has granted me the ability physically to participate in this new lifestyle. This time last year, I would have never seen myself here: dedicated, gaining security, gaining confidence, all the while making gains (sorry I had to!).
So, what's the point? Seek out your passion and work to better yourself and the thirst for validation will slowly be quenched by your newfound confidence. I'm blessed to have found mine.
