In every friend group, there is someone who is the comic relief. Ever the optimist, one friend always has a smile on their face and is the one who everyone goes to when there are problems. They may not be the most fun, but everyone would agree that they are "meet the parents" material. This has always been me. I love being positive, and I love being the fun-loving guy who is always able to be there to support my friends.
But this has changed me. Being positive all the time often has unseen consequences. Positivity can be a coping mechanism. I have known several people who seem to have everything together on the outside and always have a smile on their face, but then when they finally open up, there is a broken interior that they hide behind a false joy.
In some cases, the eternally optimistic friend is lonely. It is easy to be worried about your friend who is sad or reserved. It can be so easy to check on these people, and that's what we as friends are called to do. However, it is very difficult to worry about your happy friends. Supporting your depressed friend is hard, but you know how to do it. Nobody knows how to support the optimist.
Being the most positive person is often equated to being the happiest person. This is not always true, and there is a key reason: Positivity is not happiness. Our culture has blurred the lines between joy and positivity, but they are different. Joy is happiness despite the circumstances, whereas positivity is a smile despite the circumstances.
When someone smiles, it does not mean that they are not in pain. It does not mean that nothing is wrong. It also does not mean that they are happy. It can often be a mask to help support someone else.
In my own personal experience, I often have problems opening up about my real problems because I know that other people are dealing with issues just as difficult as, if not more difficult than, my own. I want to be able to help them, but if I appear broken and lost, I fear that they will hesitate to come to me with their own issues, and then I cannot help them. I open up best when I know it is a safe space surrounded by safe people who will not hold back their own problems just because I have something going wrong.
And because of this issue, I often hide my problems from other people behind my positive outlook. I have been doing this for so long, I have begun to hide my problems from myself.
Being optimistic is not easy, but staying optimistic is even harder.
Recently, I have been challenged by multiple unrelated people. I have been challenged to honestly confront myself; to introspectively ask myself if I am okay, and then listen for the answer. I am naturally drawn to positivity, but this does not make me perpetually happy.
And so my challenge for you is this: The next time someone asks, "how are you?" You can give the standard answers, but don't forget to stop and ask yourself: How are you?
