How My Passion for Fitness Became a Necessity, Not a Choice

My passion for fitness is super strong, but we definitely have a love/hate relationship. You see when one has to develop a passion for fitness, it becomes a forced relationship at times. Other times, you can trick your body into really believing the passion you have for it. It’s like the phenomena that if you force a smile, you can genuinely smile and feel happier by faking your way (essentially). Sometimes, I truly believe myself when I say “I love fitness”. The truth is, the confusion is at the root of how and why fitness became a part of my life.

When I was a sophomore in high school, one day I really wasn’t feeling well enough to go to school. I was achy, my muscles were exhausted (though I had not been to the gym prior), and I was overall extremely fatigued. I honestly cannot remember it very clearly because it all just sort of happened. None of my family, including myself, became alarmed. I was born premature and have a compromised immune system, so I was no stranger to getting sick. However, this time it stuck around. When my dad when come pick me up, I would fall completely asleep in the car on the way home, an approximate 10 minute drive. I would barely make it to school, stumble through the 7 periods, get picked up, and upon arriving home, would go straight to sleep. I would sleep from 4pm- 7am the next day and be even more exhausted than I was the day before. I started going to many doctors, but none of them could explain what was wrong. I kept deteriorating (I couldn’t hold my arms up long enough to wash my own hair) and was gaining a significant amount of weight quite rapidly. After trying birth control, getting treated for vitamin deficiencies, the blood tests every week, I was finally diagnosed with hypothyroid disease. I could go into the entire science, but basically my thyroid was under-producing causing my metabolism to start shutting down, my lack of energy and strength, and my depression that had developed over the months. I was so miserable, physically and mentally, but I finally had an answer and a plan of action.

I was given the diagnosis over 6 years ago. I will have to take medicine to regulate my thyroid for the rest of my life, or until I have a kid but even that is no guarantee. I have to watch my diet and exercise to keep my levels stabilized. Even with the work that I do, someone with hypothyroid disease is prone to weight gain and has a harder time losing weight. Basically, someone with hypothyroid disease has to do double the work and get half of the benefit (I’m talking weight-loss here). When I first got on meds, my dose was extremely high to try to rev up my thyroid to some sort of normal functioning range. Pair that with my new-found energy and vigorous exercise program and being a show which required 4 hours of rehearsal each night, the weight I had gained melted off (and fast), and I was beginning to feel more like myself. As the dosage of my medication kept adjusting, so did my body’s ability to adapt and keep up. I gained some of the weight back and lost some energy, then the dose would change and everything would be fine, but then I would have insomnia and insanely high heart rates while exercising. So the dose would be adjusted and so on and so forth. The yo-yo effect was definitely in play with my medicine and my weight gain/loss.

This battle with my body has continued and always will. In college I really got on my grind. I was feeling better than ever. Then, injuries happen. You cannot walk on your own, let alone exercise for 5 months. Then you get surgery and that keeps you down. Fast forward to 2 years later, and you are left with a knee injury that keeps on giving. Hey, that is life. I make do with what I can and the circumstances that are given to me. Still, all of “life’s happenings” put a strain on my relationship with fitness. If I decided I never wanted to work out again, not only would I gain a million pounds, but it would severely affect my thyroid and its effectiveness. So when I finally got a diagnosis and was excited to have an answer, that answer also came with a contract that included being in the gym intensely for life. Hey, it is what it is.

So when I say fitness is a necessity for me, I ain’t lying. And I figured the best way was to make the most of it and embrace it! I found things that excited me that did not include a treadmill for an hour. I love lifting and feeling powerful. I love being the crazy girl in sweats on a 98 degree day to try to sweat it out (I doubt it even helps much!). I love the feeling of people looking at the girl in the free weights section with looks of “impressive”. I love feeling like a bada**!!! There is truly no better feeling than the feeling I get after a workout. I just sometimes wish I could have found my love for fitness on my own, rather than it being forced on me. Either way, me and this love/hate relationship are in it for life.

I challenge you to learn something new about fitness or nutrition, and then find a completely new experience that you could love. Broaden your horizon! This could be trying CrossFit, a kettle-bell class, or even going vegan for a week! I hope your newfound knowledge about fitness/nutrition and your new experience will help shape the way you look at taking care of your body!