I was working Monday afternoon and at the coffee shop, and we had just burned through our mid-day rush. I had just finished a relentless stretch working on the bar making espresso drinks and was finally able to jump on the register. I’ve always enjoyed getting the face time with customers and found it refreshing to speak to a person after hours of pouring shots and steaming milk.

However, I’ve come to notice that this interest is not always reciprocated. Working in customer service, you’re essentially playing the part of a robot for hours on end, and customers will often treat you like you are one. I’m aware that people don’t swing by the coffee shop in hopes of striking up good conversation with me as a worker, because that’s honestly not what I’m there for.

But because I’m the person that I am, I still make constant and desperate attempts throughout the day to have authentic exchanges with the customers. This Monday in particular, I had a girl who seemed about my age, accompanied by her mom, approach the front of the line to order. They asked to see our tea selection, “Your drinks smell so good, they’ve been teasing me all day!” Her mom said.

“Get it? Tea-zing?” I said, being the lame lover of wordplay that I am. The girl and her mom burst out laughing. “Oh, that was a good one! You know, they call me the queen of puns!” her mom told me.

We exchanged a few more cheesy puns, and before long I had stepped aside to talk to the girl about our common love for Ben and Jerry’s non-dairy ice cream, makeup, work, and other similar interests.

“Girl, let me get your number!” she pulls out her phone. “I just moved to the area, we should hang out sometime!”

To be honest, I was a little bit surprised. This had definitely never happened to me. All I could think was I just got friend hit on!

“I think I just met my long lost best friend!” I told my coworkers excitedly as I typed my number into her phone.

But seriously - why was I so surprised?

And more importantly, why had this never happened to me before?

And even more importantly - why did the terminology of getting hit on first come to mind? I just made a new friend, not scored a hot date.

Looking back, I’m sure I’ve had so many great missed friend opportunities, just because of its lack of social norm. I’ve noticed little to no hesitation from guys approaching me. And honestly the chances of me giving a random guy my number is significantly lower than me giving it to a new girlfriend. But what’s interesting is that it probably took a guaranteed chance for the girl to ask me for my number, whereas I’ve seen heterosexual males take huge leaps of faith which have only sometimes pay off.

So why is it that romantic interest grants a certain permission to approach a stranger that nonsexual potential doesn’t?

To be honest I’ve caught myself scanning the room for cute boys before, but I can guarantee I’ve never wandered around publicly looking for girlfriends. Romantically speaking, it seems like the door is always open. Or at least, I always have the option to open it. With so much emphasis in the media on who is dating who, and most movies nowadays being centered around who ends up with who, it’s easy to focus on finding someone great rather than being someone great.

Girls, when was the last time you had a conversation that passed the Bechdel test? (look it up)

I can pretty safely say that the general amount of social energy invested in potential romance exceeds the time invested in making friends. But why? Honestly, the emphasis on romance over friendship in media is disappointing, and the search for love quickly overshadows friendship. Especially throughout college years, the need for friends exceeds the “need” for a romantic partner. And there’s something about a girlfriend or guy friend that can’t be replaced - no ulterior motives and no hidden intentions. These young adult years should be considered spent looking for bridesmaids more so than looking for a groom.