My darling daughter is getting married this month, and this should be all I need to say on the topic. At this point, you know that I am without a shred of sanity, or hair for that matter. Here I am asking her about colors and what she wants as she tearfully says to me, “I just don’t think we can do this, we will need to postpone.”

To understand what this really means, let’s discuss that her aunt and uncle with their 4 kids have already made travel arrangements from Denver to Cincinnati. Her father is coming from Boston, a few friends from Florida and other destinations for both her and her fiancé. I understand her anxiety and watch as she diligently assembles her invitations, which are all of her own crafting.

The one thing she has come to finally understand is that it is HER wedding and she can do what she likes. She reads what is acceptable and what is customary and hates these things and asks if I think she should do what she likes. Continuously, I tell her this day is hers and not to worry about what others think but to make it a day they will cherish.

Understand, my daughter is crafty and thrifty. She is often times inventive and her creativity is sometimes astounding. She has managed to create beautiful centerpieces and wedding favors for her guests using thrift store finds and things like painted bottles. But, wait…I said how NOT to plan a wedding, didn’t I?

What I am talking about is all the things that nearly canceled hers. The anxieties and customs that require ostentatious displays of monetary status. Are you trying to make a statement or marry your best friend? Your wedding should be what YOU desire to do on your day. So with that here are some things NOT to do. Caution…some of these things might not be what Miss Manners would recommend.

• Don’t forget that it is your day, a day you will remember (hopefully) for the rest of your life. Do you wish to recall or worse yet have others recall that you were bridezilla?
• Don’t have 17 bridesmaids if you truly have 2 besties that you would like to share the day with. Why do you force them to share the limelight and the most special of special days with people that barely garner a place on the guest list?
• Speaking of the guest list. Are you inviting your Ex-stepmother’s brother’s son? Unless you are pals who never miss the weekly or even monthly Starbucks rendezvous to catch up on family drama, you’re just upping the $$.
• And those dollars…Are you really in love with the ice sculptures or are you feeling like adding some additional air conditioning to the atmosphere?
• While we are speaking of things like Bridesmaids, why is it, that to be a bridesmaid one is forced to purchase the ugliest dress ever seen in a color they wouldn’t put on their pet iguana, with a price tag higher than their monthly rent? Incidentally, will they ever wear it again? Consider this as well, being their besties and remembering some day you will be the bridesmaid, why not just give them some color choices and style ideas, after all, hot pink is not for everyone, and allow them to choose their dresses. Why do they all have to match anyway? Who decided that?
• If you’re not the hoity-toity type and a barbecue is more your style, why not consider forgoing the full catered meal for something a little more fun. My daughter decided on a pizza bar. Yep, made my eyebrows raise too, but once she showed me how elegant even a pizza bar could be and the huge chop to the price tag, I was onboard.
• Now let's talk cake, I wonder how many people love, love, love to eat wedding cakes with all that fondant. Not really my favorite thing. Why did it need to be cake at all? At this point we have all seen the cupcake ideas, but does anyone prefer cheesecake? Or something else, like macaroons? We are doing a full tiered cheesecake wedding cake. Bonus note here… cheesecake freezes better than a traditional cake.
• Here is a photographic note, don’t assume your photographer wants to hang around your wedding all night catching impromptu moments.They are paid to be there and not necessarily catching any of them. Instead, try creating a hashtag for all your friends to use when they upload their candid shots. You can choose some of the best for your portfolio and you can save a few bucks by letting the photographer go early.
• Being late is always a faux pas and planning everything to the second can cause a snag to be a catastrophic moment for the rest of the evening. Have a general schedule but stay flexible.

No matter what, remember this is your day, it is your wedding and in no way should the accepted practices overshadow what you would enjoy most. You are marrying your best friend and likely know what each other like and enjoy. Unless your goal for your wedding is to make a grand statement, then do what makes you happy and forego all the pomp and circumstance. Make cute soaps for your guests and have a pizza bar.