Recently my girlfriend of 6 months and I opened up about our pasts. It seemed to open up our eyes to what we were like before we met, which was good, unfortunately it also caused a bit of resentful distaste in both of our mouths which complicated things for us for some time. Some things were unpleasing to listen to, however this experience was one that would we would never forget. This article will explain how I learned to get over my partners past and become stronger together from it.
1. Be honest, but not that honest
If you feel the need to tell your partner about your past, specifically regarding other partners, always be honest. Dishonesty will eventually creep up and bite you in the ass. However, it's the way that you present your past that matters and being too honest could be detrimental to the person you love. Giving too much detail about how your previous partners have made you feel, or being too specific on what you have done is simply too much. Always be honest, but don't give your partner the impression that your past is something you still crave or want.
2. You either accept it or you don't
It already happened! It may take some time to accept what your partner tells you, but if you really care for them it will. Your liking or love for your partner will override the unpleasant "past talk" if you chose to override it.
3. It's knowledge, use it
Although it may be extremely hard to accept somebody's past, it is important to understand it for yourself. This is knowledge for you to keep. Even though everyone will tell you to "forget the past" and "it doesn't matter," it does. Knowing things about peoples past are useful to know because as a partner it can help you understand what your partner has been through and why they have done certain things. Lastly, it can really give you a fair warning if unpleasant past traits are becoming an ongoing issue in the present. This can allow you to help you stop them from repeating an undesired behavior or give you a sense of concern.
4. Perspective matters, look at yourself!
STOP looking at your partner as the bad person. You also have a past and you need to work as a team. We all have gone through a lot and being reasonable about what your partner has to tell you is key. Understand that they're probably telling you because they really care for you, so work as a team.
