I am an Idaho native and might be for the rest of my life, so I am attending a university that is thirty minutes away from my parents. You would think I would be saving the money by living at my family's place and commuting to school, but I moved out my freshman year of college. I often get asked the question "Why not just stay with your Mom and Dad?", and if I were being honest, I would say something along the lines of "I am preserving a relationship with my family by moving out." To family friends—and maybe even to family members—that might not make sense. But like many college kids, I left my parents to get closer to them.
It wasn't until my third year of college that I went to a doctor and left my appointment being diagnosed with Anxiety. In hindsight, it was always apparent. I spent a lot of my high school years in a panic, going to therapy and constantly feeling like I had no reason to pursue anything beyond myself. I was tested for other mental and emotional disorders, but nothing cleared until later in my life. Living at home, I always felt like there with something wrong with me and I never could figure out what to do. It didn't help that my parents were always worried and wanted to be involved in helping however they could (which isn't a bad thing).
So it was a formula for disaster; me wanting to be alone and uninvolved and then my parents concerned with my well being and hoping that I'll be a productive young adult. We fought all the time with the same goal in mind: trying to figure out what was wrong with me.
Turns out nothing's wrong with me, instead I come with a little extra. My anxiety is something that I have lived with my entire life, and it is part of who I am as a person. I wouldn't be the hardworking, witty, determined person I am today without it. Of course, it makes my every day a little challenging, but I live life to the fullest, and that really started when I moved on campus.
It was the best decision that was ever made. I was able to establish a foundation of independence for myself, and for the first time in at least four years, I was happy. I was thrown into a group of people that I had never met before and forced to get to know them. I was more engaged with people in my age group and spent more time with friends considering how convenient it was to just walk outside of my bedroom to see them. My parents were forced to take a step back and leave me to fend for myself, but they knew that when shit hit the fan, they were only thirty minutes away.
Our relationships grew stronger, and I was able to open up more. They didn't have to pry me for information because I just offered it to them automatically. I was able to tell them if I was having a good or bad day and they were able to help me in a more constructive way. Of course, like any parent/child relationship, we have our days, and I am still growing into myself as a person. But overall, life has gotten smoother for my parents and I. I talk to them almost every day and visit home at least once a week. I am looking forward to having dinner with them, instead of worrying about saying the wrong thing and then getting into an argument about it.
It may be unconventional, and maybe even an unpopular opinion, but putting that distance between my parents and I made us stronger and more understanding of each other. It was a difficult decision to not only move out but to stay out of the house. I have been out of my parent's house for almost 4 years and we have never been closer.
Mom & Dad, I love you both so much and I thank you for supporting me even when you weren't sure how. Your patience and hard work has helped me grasp a better understanding of myself and what I want for my future.
Love,
Al
