Coffee is conventional; it's too: “I can bail in half an hour.” Dinner can be nothing more than an hour of watching someone eat food -- and let’s be honest, no one looks cute chewing. And a walk in the park this time of year is, well, no walk in the park.
How do you pick a first date activity that is casual, cool, fun and romantic all at once? I interviewed several 20-somethings about their ideal first dates, and they all agreed activities were best: a sporting event, a hike, a carnival. “There’s less of an opportunity to be awkward!” said Audrey Carroll. She expressed how fun it is to get to know someone in a relaxed, fun-loving environment.
“Some sort of activity is great, but nothing too long. I’m always super hesitant to go on a first date that’s a meal. It can feel dragged out if it’s not going well, or go by too fast if it is. I get nervous, so being up and moving helps me out and it’s easy to excuse yourself,” said CiCi Flanagan. “Activities are also great because you can drag them out if things are going great and it’s not weird!”
Perhaps this is what twenty-somethings are looking for -- easy ways to let the date itself take form. Will it be a 30-minute walk through downtown, or a three-hour excursion exploring both of your favorite spots? Activities such as a picnic, a street fair, or a trip to a museum or cultural center allow the timing to be flexible for both parties.
“I like the idea of ice skating. There is definitely something romantic about hand holding in a cold ice rink, and getting hot chocolate,” said Rachel Tavani, the ultimate romantic. “Or the classic: mini golf. You know, you pretend you don’t know how to swing the club, and even though you both know you’re lying, he wraps his arms around you and places his hands over yours in that signature movie scene way.” Chivalry is not dead, ladies and gentlemen.
Emma Agostini, an avid sports fan, suggested any sort of sporting event. “There’s plenty of chances to talk and get to know each other, but if the person you’re with is a complete dud you will have something else to focus on.”
Although Agostini put it bluntly, she’s not wrong. First dates, especially, can feel awkward with all that pressure to connect over small talk. There is always a sport or two in season -- and if the game itself isn’t sparking conversation, look for inspiration in the spectators, the food, the arena. It comes down to the same point made by all four ladies: focus on enjoying yourself and the company of your date.
The young men I interviewed expressed more anxiety than the women. They said they felt pressure to plan a date that is fun and romantic, yet still light and casual enough for the first meeting in some cases. What if you go to a local theater only to find out your date hates musicals? Does taking her to a St. Patrick’s Day bar crawl when she’s terrified of leprechauns make you a bad gentleman caller?
Not at all. Gentlemen, if you’re unsure of where to take a girl on your first date, ask! The women I interviewed were more than eager to tell me about their dreamiest date ideas. If she is being shy, get to know her a little beforehand! Does she like ice cream? Is she outdoorsy? A little thoughtfulness will go a long way.
“I love it when a girl has something in mind for a date, too. Let’s brainstorm something together! That way I know we’ll both have a great time. And if there’s just not chemistry I know it’s not because she hated the date, it’s just that we weren’t compatible,” said a 20-year-old male who wished to remain anonymous. He agreed that an activity is preferred to something formal or a sit-down environment: “Why limit yourself to one setting? That makes the small talk seem very obviously like small talk, and conversations run out quickly.”
However, there is something to be said for the more traditional coffee or dinner first date, especially if this is your first time one-on-one with a person. It’s go-to. What if you don’t love laser tag as much as you thought you would, and for that reason you’re in a bad mood and the date falls flat? What if you see a show and barely get to talk to the person you’re with? There is something easy and non-committal about tea in a crowded coffee shop; i.e., a public place with plenty of people around. It is a security blanket, which is not the worst thing on a first date. Don’t feel bad if you’d rather save the painting and wine studio for the second or third date as you get to know someone.
I will leave you with one final bit of wisdom, one vital takeaway: when it comes to a great date -- whether it is the first of the 50th -- the person makes all the difference.
