With the world we live in today the connections we build is imperative to how we survive. The attacks on cities, whether it be shootings or bombing can take those you love in the blink of an eye. Making sure you have a good foundation of people built around you is a gift. Through any hard time you face, a bad grade, a heartbreak or a loss of someone important your family will be there when you need them the most. For the longest time, I did not have a good relationship with my mother’s side of the family. Feelings of judgement were always looming as I walked into a room filled with people that I hadn’t spent much time with, and that were so close to each other. Going into my senior year the family still felt at arms' length. My great grandmother grew ill and fast. I'm sure it wasn’t quick for everyone who was there, however it was for me. In the blink of an eye, we were visiting her in bed, a time period that seemed too short. I grew to enjoy my time with them.
The random laughs, and the random cries. Cooking dinner every night with my grandmother, all sitting down, it would be a great big deal. I adored the women in that room, more than I had in my eighteen years with them. Family came, people who were never in a room together unless it was a holiday where all there. The coming and going of people was a norm within my childhood household so it did not seem unfamiliar. My time was well spent whenever I was there, never wasting a day. I am extremely grateful that there were so many people there to seem my great grandma in her final days, as well as it bringing the women in my family closer. The constant chats when we would all pile around the room of my passing great grandmother. We would all look through pictures of her when she was younger, and decide which ones we should use. Many of our talks led to tears, and many of our talks led to laughter. I felt guilty in a way, I was here with these wonderful women who I hadn’t taken the time to get to know or even spend my time with. I hadn’t spent time with my great grandmother as much as I would have wanted and the relationship she had with my other family members would make me jealous.
I felt selfish to be a part of such a terrible, yet family oriented moment. I learned things about her over that span of time that I hadn’t known before. Her favorite flower, that she was a beautiful dancer when she was younger and that she was so ready to leave. My great grandmother spent many years without my papa by her side. He died much earlier than her, and so did her mother, so she was very excited to see them again. Her mother’s favorite flower was a rose, so before she passed I bought and placed a single rose by her bedside. Trying to make up for the time that I lost with her. I was not there for her passing. I got a single text message from my mother with the time stamp. I knew, and I instantly broke. Being driven over there, I ran through the two doors on my way into the house, only stopping when I noticed two strange men there dressed in all black. Entering the room after a million stairs the family was peaceful. They had tears stained on their cheeks, but now they were peaceful. I hadn’t had the same amount of time to come to terms with what had happened. Laying next to my great grandmother she was still, and peaceful.
The single rose was placed in between her hands before she was taken away. The act of losing someone you love will never leave you, having any type of connection with a person will never truly be forgotten. I appreciate my great grandmother more than anything, and even though I did not get to have the relationship I envied for years she gave me something else. The wonderful women who I talk to daily about any good or bad news. She allowed me to become part of my family that I felt so lost about before. Giving me that great foundation that everyone needs and for that I will be forever grateful to her. She finally allowed me to have that connection that I had believed to be lost for so many years.
