I would like to start off by letting you know how unbelievably brave you are. Being able to wake up every day and keep going and keep living is no small task. It is something to be proud of. I think the most beautiful people are the ones that have gone through the hardest things in life and still made it out on the other side with a smile on their faces. This one is for you, sweet child.
You will understand pain. You will know and understand an unimaginable pain like no other. It will change the way your heart works and the way you handle things. What you thought were huge problems will become minuscule. Along with the knowledge of this pain comes the ability to empathize with others differently than most people. You will be able to help and support the ones you care about the most better because you understand. But please remember that everyone handles grief differently, what works for you may not work for them.
You will become extremely protective of your people. You will hold your friends and family much closer than ever before. Everyone you care about will become 100 times more important, they will become your rock. No one messes with your people, and if they try you will go into protective mode immediately.
You will be full of jealousy. Sometimes you will look around at all your friends with both of their parents and wonder why yours was taken from you. You will ask yourself, "How is this fair?" You will be hit with a wave of resentment because at one time you were just like them. It wasn't perfect by any means but it was whole and it was yours.
Self-preservation becomes key. For some time after you may find yourself building walls in order to protect yourself from any further pain. You might push people away and become much more guarded than you were before. Know that this is normal, but please be careful. Remember that you need the people who care about you now more than ever, do not push them too far.
The five stages of grief don't always happen in order. I know you know them: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. When you first hear about them before you've actually experienced it you will assume they happen in that specific order. This is not true. Sometimes it happens in the exact opposite way, sometimes it happens all at once. Sometimes you won't know what to do with all of your emotions and the people around you won't know what to do any more than you do. Be patient with them, be patient with yourself.
One day, you will be sitting around with your family and realize the parent you lost is still there, little fragments showing through every person in the room. Then, you will look at yourself and realize you have these fragments too and this is what makes you whole. You will see that your heart, though badly broken, still works. This is growth.
You will continue to grow through the years. Even though the pain of losing them will never fully go away, it will get easier to handle with time. Know that your parent is still watching over you, cheering you on through everything that you do. They are so incredibly proud of you and so am I.
All my love,
The girl who lost her mom
