The first time I remember being made fun of because of my appearance was in 7th grade P.E. A girl told me that if I wanted to be pretty that she would do my makeup. We had no mirrors in this class, so when she told me how great I looked I actually believed her. I walked out of that locker room ready for everyone to see that I wasn't as gross as they thought I was. The smiles I received were not those of admiration, but rather those of ridicule. Finally, a friend of mine told me to go and wipe my face off because it had been done up in a way similar to how clowns would be before a performance. I carried the feelings of that day with me for years. People let me walk around like that. People told me I looked nice.
Have Your Voice Heard: Become an Odyssey Creator
I was ashamed of how I looked. I wore baggy clothing to cover up my entire body. I struggled throughout my first three years of high school watching my friends share clothing that I knew I could never wear. I was taught that the smaller you were, the more liked you were by everyone, but I wasn't that skinny pretty little girl. So I started working on my personality. I stopped being so different and started finding a way to be just like everyone else.
Middle School was a time when you were supposed to make some embarrassing mistakes, but mine followed me. Anytime I would be the one the attention was on, I'd have to hear those tragic memories all over again. I let them bother me. I let people know I was embarrassed of how it I was, but it wasn't until I realized that the memories were actually quite funny did they finally disappear when I was in the spotlight.
My freshman year of high school was the worst. I struggled with anxiety and confidence. I turned to different ways of handling my emotions. I was an absolute wreck at best. I pushed away all of my friends, family, and all of my favorite hobbies. I hated who I was. I avoided mirrors, people, beauty magazines. When I would go clothes shopping I would cry in the dressing room as I tried things on because I wasn't able to fit into the things that I wanted to wear.
That summer I decided I needed a change. I had let my friends go, my family didn't know what to say about me anymore, and I just wasn't happy with life. The transition was slow, but I took it at the right pace. I remember the moment that everything started coming together vividly. It took a grand total of 6 seconds, but that's all you need for a catalyst.I was sitting in the car and thinking about how I had gone through life not doing anything outside of my comfort zone. So I charged straight out of the gates and joined the basketball team.
From there everything else seemed to just fall into place. I was forced to be more outgoing, to make more friends, to try new things. It wasn't until very recently I discovered that I had nothing to hate. I still have days every now and then that are less than ideal, but I get through them. I have a new love for myself, a new love for life, and things only keep getting better.
