"I am exhausted."

I think that is probably the phrase that I use most on a daily basis. My life is a little hectic, to say the least. I am a full-time infant teacher, I babysit as much as possible when I'm not already working, and I'm a student. Trying to also have some semblance of a social life means that I'm busy just about every minute of every day. Exhausted is an understatement.

I've always had a really hard time saying no to putting more responsibilities on my plate. I feel powerless to turning down money-making opportunities because I'm paying for school without loans. I feel obligated to say yes to everything that my friends ask me to do because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Meanwhile, I'm pushing myself to the absolute limit trying to squeeze everything in when there are only so many hours in a day. Sleep? I can sleep when I'm dead.

Recently I had a huge wake-up call. I got sick with a respiratory infection that took more than two months to go away. I went through two rounds of antibiotics and steroids and an inhaler before I finally felt like I could breathe again. I can usually deal with being sick, but trying to do everything else in my life on top of not being able to catch my breath was just too much. Everyone kept telling me I needed to take time to rest, but I just "didn't have the time". I really believe that not taking the time to make myself and my health a priority over everything else I needed to do is the reason why I could not kick this infection and why I stayed down for so long.

This is how I learned to say no. It sounds so stupid, but it's something that I've struggled with for so long. A friend asked me to go to an event with her. I definitely wanted to and I immediately started looking at my calendar to try to figure out how to move the things I needed to do around to make it work. Just the thought of trying to shift around my school and work obligations to free up a Saturday was stressing me out. I knew I had to tell her no. It took me a couple of days to work up the courage to tell her that I couldn't make it. I simply told her that while I really wanted to go with her, I had too much going on and couldn't make that commitment right now. She was understanding, as always, and it was easier than I thought. I instantly felt a weight lift because I knew I was making an effort to prevent overextending myself, just for one weekend.

I know this sounds so simple and so obvious, but it really has been an epiphany of sorts for me. I've realized that not only is it okay to put myself first sometimes, but that it's absolutely necessary for my mental and physical health. I still have a long way to go in prioritizing my life to make it more manageable and enjoyable, but I am finally able to see the importance of self-care above all else.